Ruining the Moment- Put Down Your Phone

Here I am. Back up on my soap box of the-world-needs-more-human-interaction-and-less-time-where-we-sit-next-to-each-other-playing-iphone. Yes...another one of those posts.

Just like my rational disdain for aspects of DC (or all of DC...) I kid. Wait. No, no I don't kid- I hate DC. I have a truly massive issue with the amount of time people are glued to their phones. PARTICULARLY when it means you are sacrificing quality time with moi to be tied up in some app or article you are reading.

My first real rant on this was prompted after reading Jenni's words from Story of My Life. I was hell bent determined to be a focused, thoughtful, and present friend/girlfriend/daughter/sister/etc. and make sure I wasn't making someone feel inadequate by keeping one hand on my phone at all times. Granted, I have my phases of addiction, but I feel like I have made a concerted effort to be present. To engage. To concentrate on making my company feel valued.

So what do you do when the favor isn't returned? I have heard all sorts of suggestions:

- Walk away from the situation until they realize they are bring rude.
- Have rules that you articulate clearly prior to hanging out/having dinner/shopping etc.
- Have certain "phone free" areas. (i.e. people can't use their phones in the living room, etc)

But none of these will make someone else prioritize giving you their undivided attention. So what do you doooo?

Even worse... what do you do when someone ruins a moment.

There you are. You just shared a joke. A hilarious moment together. A heartfelt conversation. Or took in the most breathtaking sunset.

Next thing you know. The joke is tweeted, the funny photo is posted on Facebook. The heartfelt conversation is brought to a premature end. And the sunset is on Instagram.

Moment Ruined. Buzz Kill.

It makes me livid. It makes me wonder why sharing that moment, or that joke, or whatever, isn't enough to just share it with me.

What do you do with these situations? They seem like near impossible situations to negotiate on, and frequently cause a lot of friction and tension. Is this is a if you can't beat em' join em' situation?

Does Marriage Change Everything?

A while back I was doing the girl thing were you start bemoaning to your girlfriends about how you don't have a ring on your finger. The conversation always goes something like this:

Complaining Girl: "Ugh, so I was on facebook and ANOTHER sorority sister got engage, and she like FOUR years younger than me! What am I doing wrong?!?"
Supportive Friend: " Well you can't compare your relationship to anyone else's. It is special and unique, and so YOU, that no one else can compare"
CG: "I knooooow, but don't want to end up alone, with like 40 cats, 20 poodles, 10 betas and a partridge in a pear tree"
SF: "You won't end up alone! You are SUCH a catch! So much going for you ya-da-ya-da-ya-da"
CG: "You're right, I am being irrational, I just really want to avoid all those pets"

Am I right? (Or rather some variation of this conversation goes down)

Well my friend threw me for a loop when I was playing the role of CG.

After letting me go on about "I'm not getting any younger" and "I can't believe all these people are engaged and are twenty years younger than me" she simple looked at me and said:

"Marriage doesn't change anything"

BAM! I felt like a bus flew around the corner and plowed me over. Pardon? It doesn't change anything?!?

I snapped my tongue back in my mouth knowing I was treading on ground where I could say something really dumb.

So I marinated.

I still don't know what I think.  Does marriage change things?

The more I thought about it, the more I lean towards the answer of:  of course it does.

Sure it is just a piece of paper and a social construct. I see her point- I really do. It is all about what you commit to. The other part of me, that part of me that wanted to start arguing and possibly saying something rash, is that of course it changes things. I won't even bring in the religious aspect of this discussion, but I still believe that there is merit to those vows. To that piece of paper. To the promise it creates. I may be making this up in my head, but one of the aspects I find so romantic about marriage is that you are committing to a set of expectations in front of the people that will love and support your relationship. It takes away that 'get-out-of-jail' free card and makes sure you hold up your end of those vows.

What do you all think? Does anyone else have a better explanation of why I possibly so quickly jumped to the defense of marriage? Who sees it as not changing things?


Interested in why you're not married? Just one of my favorite satirical posts about the topic...please note SATIRE.

Some thoughts on Love.

Being an adult is confusing. Perplexing. Thrilling and terrifying at the same time. There are days where I wonder what ever happened in my life that granted me the authority to make a string of biggirldecisions in a day based upon my "experience" and "desires". I constantly struggle to feel that I have any clue about what I am doing in my life.

But even bigger than that right now the thought weighing on my heart and mind has been this concept of loving someone. Family. Friends. Siblings. Significant Others.


You have to really trust these people. While I am sure no one really knows what they are doing and what direction they are going in, it forces you to rely even more in the thought that the people you share your heart with are going to do everything in their power to treat it with the best of intentions. Certainly people are going to mess up, make wrong turns. Without a doubt this is going to happen- and forgiving and understanding is necessary in love and any relationship. But how do you know that someone who is holding your heart will attempt to act with the best of intentions?


Simple answer: You don't.


So you rely on patterns of behavior that demonstrate that their bumbling and fumbling through life is happening with the best of intentions not only for themselves, but in relation to you and the part of your life you have entrusted in them. In return, you have to be aware that your actions and patterns of behavior are also demonstrating your level of care and concern for their well-being.


It's scary and crazy daunting to think about.

But doctors-- they take that Hippocratic Oath where they pledge to do as little harm as possible in the treatment of patients (drastically paraphrased). What do the people you share your heart with sign on to? What oath or promises do they make that demonstrates their good faith effort to keep your heart as safe as possible and treated with only the best intentions?

You throw in marriage and a wedding as symbols of this dedication and promise, and at its face value this is a giant proclaimation from both parties. But I feel like this idea of trusting someone to include you in their stumbling towards their future and dreams-- is much more important and a foundation that has to be there before a wedding. I am sure all you married people out there can speak much more eloquently to this as I am strictly observing this from someone who is in a relationship but not married.

So building this foundation- It's a two fold effort. You seek these patterns in people to see how they could act, and then you seek a verbal affirmation of what you observe (or what you hope to observe).

Love. It is entrusting someone with everything that makes you you. It is being trusted. Proving you are worth that trust and in return asking them to prove it back.
 __________________

I promise I will now resume back to the Turkey Trip recap and be done with the self-analyzing post. Thanks for hanging in there....if you made it to the end!

Asking for What Could Make it Great.

I am a major scaredypants when it comes to:

1. Saying what I am thinking
2. Saying what I am feeling
3. Saying ALL of what I am thinking
4. Saying ALL of what I am thinking
5. Telling someone that they missed the mark
6. Asking for what I REALLY need/want.

By scaredypants I mean I

1. I have an irrational fear of making people upset with me.
2. I really avoid conflict like the plague.
3. I don't want to pile too much on to someone and have them peace out because they find it overwhelming or exahusting.
4. I usually cry and get all snotty faced when I have to talk about how I am feeling. So I avoid crying and looking snotty faced.

So I avoid talking about all this stuff and then what happens? I totally freak out.


But more importantly, I have started to realize I am only asking and talking to people to get things to a point where they are "ok" or "good". I have gotten so scared of the repercussions of asking for what I really need in a dialogue. I say what is safe. What feels safe. And what I get is the safe response. This usually leaves me feeling more of the same emotion I was feeling, topped of with massive frustration. Frustrated with myself for not saying more and asking for what I need. And irrationally at the person for not reading my mind (beacuse everyone should be able to read my confusing spaghetti pile of thoughts at all times) and knowing that there was more to it.


I need to start asking for what could make "it" great.


I know it will be hard to get out of that mentality fearing that what I say in full-force to someone will turn them off. The reality being, if it does, they probably aren't really contributing to my happiness and success as a person and I shouldn't be stressed out by that. Not saying I should get all abbrasive and demanding--not at all! But saying overcoming this fear of feeling like I am "too much" will result in no more wondering "What if I had asked for THAT" or "What would happen if I just said THIS".


Ironically a large part of my job is people coming to me and confiding their work-related (and sometimes not so work-related) problems and I provide advice on how to navigate a situation. I also get people asking me all the time for what could make it great during offer negotiations. I did it with my current job. I do it in a professional manner. I need to roll it over to my personal life.



Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. ~Benjamin Disraeli

Horrible Elevator Encounter

A quick little story for your Friday amusement.

Yesterday I was headed to an HR professional development lunch that meets every month. I was wearing the safari skirt and a black top, big-ass-jason(coworker)-would-say-don't-f-with-me-sunglasses, rocking my gorgeous green bag, legs-for-days (as much as you can being 5 feet tall) in my favorite wedges, and generally looking like a woman on a mission. I sign it to the building and head to the elevator bank where I holler for a guy who just got in to hold the door. The following conversation resulted:

"What's goin' on on the 7th floor?"

"A HR professional development lunch"

"Oh really? And you belong to this?"

"Yes"

"Maybe I should come develop myself with you"

O. M. G.

Did that really just come out of your mouth sir. And we are not talking about some eligible bachelor type who I would have accepted and after work drink invitation from. We are talking about someone who most likely had children and no business saying such a comment. Never mind the fact that it was sleazy, slimy, and so NOT the way to woo me.

So my own business version of a Greys Anatomy elevator scene...fail.

Boise Mall

Now I know this really had nothing to do with Washington D.C., but this blog is about me (ha! How vain!) and I feel it appropriate to blog on where my roots are.

I was catching up on my Idaho news on Idahostatesman.com and found an article this morning about the fate of the sculpture that stood in the entry way at the Boise Towne Center (lame name for the Boise Mall). The sculpture was of two boys swinging on a tire swing. I remember the water pool below them was always filled with coins and if you were going to make a wish it was always lucky if your coin landed on the brass slab that sat just at the waters surface and held the statue up. This fountain was the place where you would meet up at the end of the day when your mom would take you and your 4 little elementary school friends to mall and would let you wander alone freely by yourself and spend your parents money in Claires. When I think back I can vividly imagine what the sculpture looked like and how it seemed quite large at the time.

Well what might you ask has spurred me to take a trip down memory lane concerning the Boise Mall? Well the statue had been removed from the mall when it went through a period of rejuvenation. Strangely, I have visited the mall many times on my trips home, and somehow managed to miss the fact that this icon of childhood was gone from the main entrance. In the article in the statesman they say that the statue has been cut up and is at a recycling center. How strange to have a piece of art go to a recycling center? Really? Way to go Idaho. The mall said they would give it to someone who wanted to put it back together and do something with it, and they had no takers. However the recycling location said that they have had people lining up to take the sculpture. Not even going to ask on what type of advertising the mall did to get people informed about the sculpture. My guess...none at all. Anyways, Tim Woodward, the columnist who reported on this, is taking suggestions for where it should be relocated to. My top three options:
Boise Grove
Boise Train Depot
Somewhere along the Greenbelt

You can read the whole story Here.