My Scary Age.

I am nearing the final weeks of my life as a 27 year old. The days of thinking 25 was old, were I was supposed to have this neat, organized, and pristine life, seem like a laughing matter now as I stare 28 straight in the face. When I passed 25 and looked at my life to see that it bore very little resemblance to what I thought it would be, I kind of shrugged my shoulders as thought "Well, that was funny, but I'm still young...pllleeennnttttyyy of time".

Then two more years sailed by.

The panic has started to rise in my throat.

Laugh all you want. Say how young I am, how much life I have to live. I know. 

But it has nothing to do what others think, and entirely to do with what I think. 28 is my scary age. 

I feel like I'm failing. That I've done something wrong to be at this point where I feel empty handed. I don't want to grow older when I am fearful that the moments I want most are moments I don't, and won't have.

Again, laugh all you want, but I am worried I won't ever have kids. I'm terrified that by the time I get married (if I get marred), settled somewhere I actually am happy to live and acclimated to married life, that opportunity will just that much harder to come by. It seems silly, but it is a really true, deep rooted fear. My whole life I've been told how maternal I am, how great I am with kids, how "mom-like" I am, and yet I am lightyears away from having a life that I would even want to bring a child into.

See!? This is my scary age....because my head has become scarily unhinged and crazy.

It was almost easier when my idea of "adult life" was a closet full of heels, the ability to have a stocked kitchen in which you cook amazing meals for dinner every night, and a social life where you had cocktails and coffee dates every evening. All of this desire to be settled, and to feel like I am not just myself, but part of a unit that will become its own little family, is scary, daunting and emotionally exhausting.

I am trying to embrace the idea that adult life is about filling your life, your surroundings, and your heart with the people, places, things, and memories that make you happy. Leaning on that for your contentment and measure of success.

I'm focusing on accepting. Accepting...that I can't control parts of my life. I can't control that I'm not engaged, or married, or having kids. I can't control what other prioritize, or value. I can't control the really load sirens that blare by our apartment all day and drive me bonkers. I con't control that we have mice that hide behind my coffee maker. I can't control or change someone's mood. I can't control that people get sick, and hurt and that there are just some really awful things in the world.

I am trying to shift my focus on what is in my control. Go and buy a dog, move back across the country to be near family and friends and the scenery that makes your breath catch in your throat. Stop worrying about what your resume will look like if you switch jobs again, or if you don't have matching furniture. Eat lucky charms for dinner, and wear clothes that you bought at Target (in the clearance section), and you cross your fingers that your 19 year old car will last another couple thousand miles before you need to put all that money that needs to go into it.

Smile and graciously accept another year of getting older because it will be ok. 

The Great Expectations

I had grand ideas for 25 was supposed to hold. It felt like a pivotal year when I thought about growing up. I suppose we each have the years that we place some sort of arbitrary value or weight on. For me it was 16, 21 and then 25. 

I honestly hardly remember turning 16 or what my expectations were about that year of my life. I do know I was awkward, painfully shy, and brainwashed by a bunch of Disney movies that had me thinking that I new Jeep, parties, and a magical romance was in my immediate future. 

anyone? anyone else remember this?

Lucky me, I never got mistaken for a famous pop princess, or had my best friend confess undying love. Alas.

Expectations for 21 were pretty shallow and predictable. By the standards of what I expected and what occurred-- pretty spot on. A fantastic display if expectations and reality that year. Granted, when you are in college, living with your sorority sisters, and just about to finish your final ten weeks of college- life is pretty stinkin' great. Luckily, that "mind eraser" beverage I down around 1:30am on my birthday was temporary in nature. Ha!

Twenty Five was the year of the "adult". With high hopes, and a head filled with anticipation and expectation, it was easy to see how what I had thought, and what was real- were way way way off. I didn't have a nice wardrobe, or piles of heels. No tiny humans, no house, no new car, and I certainly didn't read the paper with any regularity! 

After I grieved, mourned, accepted, and moved on, 26 and 27 flew by with little thought, little expectation and no comparison to what I thought, and what was real. 

Now I am 39 days out from facing 28 head on, and with a level of confidence that is foreign to me- I can say I am having a mini-freak out. Talk about expectation and anticipation! 

I mean, surely I was supposed to have the "4 D's" checked off at this point?!? Wrong. As of right now, I have a dishwasher, that's it. No Dog, no Dryer, and certainly no Diamond. Not to get all serious and emotional, but holy lord does that freak me out. I'm leaning on my crutch of humor right now to joke about my wrinkles, quickly dwindling egg count, and being in a nursing home when my kids go to college. Which is all just a very clever way to cover up the fact that I am feeling like I may just be one of those people who doesn't get married, or have kids and starts dressing her dogs like children so she can buy cute clothes. It's a tad bit terrifying (and a dash of mortifying as well). It is all in my head- thank goodness, making it easy to remind myself that everyone build up expectations and time lines for themselves and I am not the first, nor last to have to throw my timeline completely out the window and remember that I am ok, and that what comes, is what is right.

via

With 39 days left on the clock, I am trying to remember it is normal to let go of expectation and accept your own personal truth. I may need a few bottles of wine and my humor crutch to get through it, but once on the other side, I am sure it will all be just fine. 

An Owl Birthday Cake

Some close friends of ours have an adorable little girl who just turned two and we got invited to the party! 

When our friends told us about the plans for her birthday party I volunteered to make the cake/cupcakes for the event, since I wanted to give the birthday girl something special. I originally thought of just doing a few batches of different cupcakes, but I quickly decided to do something a little more complicated after S told me that she had purchased some adorable owl cupcake topper decorations.

Via Beautiful Paper Crafts on Etsy

I couldn't get over how cute the owls were and I kept thinking that their simple shape was something I could maybe replicate as a cake! It took a lot of supply gathering and planning, and even more time, but it was such a fun project!

I sketched out an outline similar to the cupcake toppers, and then baked a chocolate sheet cake in a 9X13 pan. I also learned some things about baking a cake that has a flat top. I still had to level my cake so it was flat, but baking the cake submerged a pan of water seemed to help it bake a bit more evenly with less of a dome in the middle. 

After I got the cake baked and leveled. I put it in the freezer for 20-30 minutes. Then I used a template I had sketched to cut out the owl shape. Once the cake was cut, it was a matter of making the frosting. I followed this recipe for swiss meringue buttercream, and while the taste was spot on and exactly what I wanted, but the consistency wasn't what I needed for holding some pipping designs. I ended up having to alter the recipe and throw in some confectioners sugar to stiffen the frosting, but it still turned out decent. It is certainly something I still need to perfected, but I love the flavor of this less-sweet frosting. I had to mix brown, green, and orange in additional to some white frosting to decorate and used like 5-6 different pastry tips for a variety of textures. I also purchased some modeling chocolate to make the feet and eyes, which worked out really well!

So after about ten hours of baking, freezing, cutting, and decorating...I finally ended up with an owl that I was pretty proud of.

Whoooooooots turning two??? (Best. Birthday. Theme. Ever.)

I still can't get over how cute it turned out! It was really fun surprising S and Z with it! It was pretty cute/funny when we decided to have Z blow out the candles and sing happy birthday, she kind of hand a mini meltdown and kind of freaked out about the cake. She didn't want to get anywhere near it! Luckily, once she had a bite of the cake and cupcakes, she was sucking down frosting like a birthday girl should be!

Since the cake was chocolate I wanted to make some cupcakes for flavor variety. 

I made a lemon zested cake with fresh raspberry buttercream. They were a hit! I didn't think the kids would like them, but most of the kids really enjoyed these as well as the adults! The raspberry frosting was probably my best frosting to-date! It was amazingly tasty!

To really take it to a new level, I also wanted to make some mini "cupcake shooters" (as the BF called them) that were just vanilla vanilla and small for little hands! I saw someone used ketchup cups for mini cupcakes, and at our last burger outing, I hoarded a bunch of cups that were put to good use. 

They were just too cute for words! I loved hot little they were, and the fact that people who didn't want a big cupcake, could just have a little taste. These are certainly going to be my new go-to party option!

Overall, I am so excited that I pulled off some great treats for Z's birthday, and I really loved making the owl cake! Now I just need to find the next cake decorating project....

Birthday Week

We are now into the countdown of my actual birthday week. Idontwannatalkaboutit.

These final days of the even numbered year for me are bitter sweet. I wish I'd done things differently. Made bolder moves. Bigger, better decisions. Taken more risks. But couldawouldashulda right? Better to just focus on my annual birthday wish list. We left off with number 7 from the initial installment.

8) Toms Wedges

The linen Tom's wedge is the perfect wedge for summer. How much more versatile can you get!?!

9) Real Simple Magazine Subscription

I lucked out with some extra airline miles that got turned into a plethora of magazines. Real Simple is always one of my favorites and I miss getting this in my mailbox each month. I am also not opposed to Martha Stewart Living if anyone is feeling generous.

10) SHRM Membership

After getting my certification last year, I am now having to focus on re-certifying and maintaining my PHR credentials. This requires a lot of continuing education, and much of this is offered through SHRM. Having my membership fee covered would be amazing!  

11) Apple Wireless Keyboard

My ipad is so amazing. I love that thing. It is light, compact, and just plain cool. While I do blog on it, I certainly can type a lot faster on normal keyboard. The wireless keyboard would solve that problem (and with an ailing computer on my hands) would make my ipad just that more functional.  

12) An External Hard Drive

I am wracking up a lot of photos between the big girl camera and the iphone(s), and ipads in my life. Considering I still haven't been able to rescue the photos from my last old computer, and with my current one on the fritz, I would prefer to get all my "valuables" stored so I'll have them going forward.

13) Kate Spade Twirl or SJP's Lovely or Just A Signature Scent

 

I feel like it is an adult thing to have a signature scent. Nothing crazy, just a light everyday scent that is pleasant, adult and feminine.

 

14) Idaho Necklace from Alter Designs

I ordered a necklace for the BF's cousins graduation from medical school and I loved it. They are teeny tiny, which I love. With this, I could always keep Idaho close to my heart.

15) A Silhouehette Die- Cutting Machine

A crafters dream. A DREAM! Granted I don't have a tone of time to craft these days but I would consider this an investment in my crafting career. Lust. It is the Kitchen-Aid Mixers of crafting supplies.

Birthday Month

I don't really want to talk about how old I am getting. Trust me...I am already having a minor crisis over it. But! If you can't beat 'em. Join 'em! And I am going to do my "joining" by online shopping. Revealing....my birthday month birthday wish list.

1) Up first....

The Oral B Pulsonic electric toothbrush. How adult of me...I know.

After that dentist appointment that practically made me bird poop in the examination chair, I am ready to finally get one of these. However, I want the most compact, smallest, lightweight version I can find and this Oral B one seems to fit the bill! Of course I have done my reading, and there is some debate on the different versions of electric toothbrushes, and while this one is compact, it doesn't seem to have as much movement in the bristles as some, but uses more of the pulsing to clean teeth. (Feeling informed? You should)

2) Plane Tickets

One in particular to go home (one way would be just fine with me :)) and see my family. I am getting to that stage of missing them, that I get choked up just thinking about how much I miss them. I would also take one to Seattle, Chicago, or Italy right about right. Basically anything to make me feel like a Dorothy who is clicking her rub red heels together and getting the heck out of dodge. 

3) A nice Curling Iron

In the DC humidity (so basically 2/3 of the year) my hair hardly holds a curl, but I am interested in knowing if a really good curling iron would make a difference!

The Hot Tools brand seems to get rave reviews, with a lot of people talking about their ultra fine and ultra limp hair (ummm can we say ME!). 

4) Big Girl Make-up and Brushes

Oddly as a get older, the cheaper my make-up gets. Pretty sure this should be the other way around, but I have slowly slid into a routine of finding the cheapest make-up that matches my skin tone and rocking it. Luckily the E.L.F. brand from Target is actually pretty amazing for being cheap, but I would love a full make-up re-do with some big girl products.

5) The Amanda Knox Book

I have followed the trial from pretty much the day Amanda was arrested to the final acquittal. I can't wait to get my hands on this book!

6) Some ADPi swag.

While I may be far along into my "Pi" years, I still have a deep love for all things ADPi. I adore the adult spin that the Lilly Pulitzer products put on wearing your letters and would love murfette scarf.

I have also always had a tingle of desire to own a President's ring, since that was pretty iconic back in the day if you were president of your chapter. I would love to finally get one so I can hopefully pass it down to my daughter (when she is an ADPi president too!).

7) The Jawbone UP

Track my sleeping patterns? 24/7 activity tracking? Plugs directly into my iPhone? Yes, Please! Such a cool concept, that I am sure would cause me to think twice about my living, eating, and sleeping habits!

End. The First Installment. Now time for my to go cry in my tea thinking about how I only have 10 9 days left as a 26 year old. wwwahhhhhhhh!!!!

Like a Fine Red

Today is my mom's birthday! Another year older, another year better! My mom raised two amazing girls ( if I do say so myself!) and now she has two wonderful grand babies that love her too!

Happy Birthday Mom! Love you so SO so much!

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Never to Early to Start Thinking About 26

Or maybe it is.

26 is right around the corner for me. Gulp. Seeing these numbers tick away each year is certainly a bit terrifying but thrilling at the same time. To start off this years thoughts on being another year older, I will share some of my (extravagant) and (not expecting) mixed with the more practical birthday gifts! (Always fun for a girl to dream!)

So me and Kate. We are tight. She designs. I lust. It is a good relationship. This bag is no exception.

here

Kelle Hampton is one of my favorite bloggers and I can't wait to get my hands on this book she just published.

And for something to read this new book on. And to blog with. To fly with. To entertain myself with on lazy Saturdays. I will say this... I still really really really want an iPad.

In CO this winter I skied on the Volkl Kenjas one day. Ask the bf...I would hardly take them off at the end of the day. They were a really fun ski and I would love to have a new pair of skis (particularly if getting off this coast happens in the next year!)

I would love a mico lens for my camera that I got last year. My lens purchase/gift for Turkey was the best thing I could have spent money on and I would love to keep building  the number of lenses I have over the years.

Martha Stewart Glitter Paint. I have a lot of projects I want to do with this stuff! Did you know you can put it on glass, dishwasher and drinking safe?! I would be making every one's Christmas gifts this year with this!

For now...I think that will do. Now to go panic that I don't own any metaphorical big girl pants for the big 2-6!

Happy Birthday Mom!

I just wanted to take a moment to wish my wonderful mom a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Wish I was there to celebrate with you today!

I love you mom! I know this is the start of another wonderful year full of adventures, love and happiness!

XOXO,

Andrea

Continued Wishes

In honor of seeing TMP this weekend (it was so exceptional as always! Trey continues to just produce incredible choreography that is so honest and beautiful) I think I would enjoy this:

7) TMP Hoodie

8) A camera...no idea which one but I am sure Idaho Camera can come to the rescue. All I know is I want a big fancy one. You know...the kinds that take amazing photos. You know something that looks like this:

9) A Wonderbar. Mine ran out and I sadly just not feeling like I have the extra cash to get a new one. It does wonders for my skin and it is hands down the best skin care investment I have EVER made.

Since it is bedtime I will dream up some more and get back to you all. After all it is my 25th (eek...still not sure how I feel about that!) so I feel like I can entertain my wildest wishes.

Birthday Wishes

So we are way under the 25 days until my 25th (eep!) birthday!! That means....I can create my yearly unrealistic birthday wish list! (and maybe some realistic things thrown in there just because).


1) Diamonds by the Yard

I love anything simple and classic for jewelry. I love these simple floating diamonds- I could easily switch up with my usual pearls.

2) Medium North South Sac- Dooney & Bourke

This bag is so classic to me. I love the black, Cognac and Lime Green. I love how it is professional, but not too workish. Timeless, standard, versatile.

3) 4 Settings of Kate Spade New York "Market Street" China

 I would treasure this forever and could see myself entertaining my girlfriends for Sunday brunches and cups of tea.

4) Tiffany Key

Enough said.

5) How about some extravagant Book Ends?

6) While we are on Poodles....

That's what I have for tonight....

Let me sleep and dream of other extravagance

Birthday Boy!!

Dear Wyatt,

A year ago today I got a text from my sister (your mom):

"Baby coming today...keep you posted".

I was at work and I immediately rushed into my bosses office to tell her the great news. The countdown to aunthood was on the horizon. I tried to work, but I just remember being so restless, clutching my phone just waiting for the text to tell me that I had a healthy baby to call my niece/nephew (Wyatt I knew you were a boy! I could feel it!). It seemed like HOURS as I sat and waited. and waited. and waited.

And then...

my phone lit up. I could hardly control my hands enough to open the text message.

"Baby's here"

Details please?!?!

At last my parents (grandma and grandpa) called to tell me that my nephew had been born and both mom and baby were doing well. Naturally being me...I cried. I cried a lot.

I had no idea how powerful the emotion of knowing that your family just changed in a way that can't be put into words is.  I thought it about for months while you, the little peanut brewed up in Nicole.

How was our family going to change???

A year later I can tell you Wyatt (took awhile to get a name, but it is absolutely perfect), that you are the apple of my eye.

 Love takes on a new meaning at certain points in your life and meeting you when I made it to Idaho in July was one of those moments when I knew I would never view love the same.

When I got to see you for the first time I drove from my parents house to your house, and the whole drive all I could think about how crazy it was that I was going to get to see this little person, who I had yet to meet, grow up. I am going to get to see Birthdays, Christmases, Graduations, picking colleges, prom photos, first day of skiing pictures, trophies, bumps, bruises and everything that goes in between. It was an overwhelming feeling!

I pulled up to my sister's house, knocked on the door, walked into the house and quickly found my arms full of your noodly little body. Bam! It hit me. Love.

I can't get enough of you! I can't believe you are a year old!


HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY WYATT!!!!

Love,
xoxo

Aunt Andrea

The Day After and I am Still Alive

Well the big two four has come and gone and besides the discovery of a few wrinkles I came out alive on the other side!

In all seriousness I had a positively wonderful birthday(s). Saramarie came into town Tuesday. That evening we were able to check out a Orioles game up in Baltimore. We even got out picture taken with the mascot! (I'll be it a very creepy/unflattering picture- but it is the memories that count). We also discovered the theme song for the week.

 Oooo ooo ooo OMG...thank you Usher!

Wednesday night we went to Founding Farmers with our friend Alex from "Business School"(said with snobbery) and then checked out the Old Ebbitt Grill to meet  up with a friend from Sara's past.

Thursday was SACT 2 night. I have to say I was very disappointed :( ! It was so bad compared to the first movie and compared to the series it was appalling. I am glad I saw it, but I am not sure I will make an effort to watch it again. Luckily we topped off the night with some brie, mac n' cheese, wine and baguette, flipping through wedding magazines while cuddled in my luxurious bed!

Friday night I had a bit of a stomach ache but Saramarie was able to enjoy a night out on the town. The next morning we headed to Alexandria and had a great lunch at Rustico. Grabbed coffee at Buzz, and then hit up King Street were I managed to buy some birthday shoes, randomness from papersource, and check out some cute little gift shops. Saramarie bought me a fabulous book called "5". Trust me...you will see posts about this book! It also oddly was written by some Seattle folk..so naturally it has to be good! We also got to Dairy Godmother it up and then headed back into DC for a great dinner in DP.

Sunday Saramarie treated me to a delish brunch at Monmartre near Eastern Market so we were able to check out the market. (My first Eastern Market experience!) We spent the rest of the day getting ready for the birthday festivities and had dinner at Matchbox before meeting up with my nearest and dearest of DC at Iron Horse in GalleryPlace where we could play skee ball AND BBHP.

I had so many great friends show up and celebrate with my birthday with me! I felt truly loved and very excited that my first birthday in DC was a HUGE success!

Monday morning I had to sadly say goodbye to Saramarie but I could not have asked for a better couple days with her! I have so many great memories from her visit and I already miss her like crazy!

The rest of my Monday was spent talking to people back on the Best Coast who called to wish me a happy birthday, and lounging around. In the evening I was finally able to go to Ray's the Steaks which I have wanted to try from the first month that I moved out here! It lived up to its amazing reputation!! I had a delish steak, great glass of wine and topped it off with key lime pie. It was the perfect finish to a great celebration!!

Additionally I have to brag about the amazing gift my sister MADE me. It is so cute!! It is a darling pillow with an awesome ruffle design on it! Her blog has photos and you MUST go check them out! She is so talented and artistic --it is pretty awesome. I will treasure my pillow forever!!

I also got something from my wishes (I know you are all dying to know which wish was granted...but I am going to let you all guess!)

Going back to work after such a great long weekend was a shock but it was tolerable and the short week will help ease the pain.

Thank you again for all the birthday wishes and memories! I am so blessed and I know that 24 is going to be a spectacular year!

The Big 2-4

I am going to keep this short, but I promise to write more later about SaraMarie's stay, birthday activities and other going ons.

Right now I just have to say this:

Thank you to all my wonderful family and friends (near and far) who have celebrated me entering my mid-twenties in style. I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life!

Any ideas for my 25 before 25??

I wish I wish I wish

Alright here they are...finally some more grounded birthday wishes:

These are on the list since my hair is getting long enough to the point that straightening it doesn't make it look "hip" or "edgy" anymore but rather just young. It takes me double the time to get ready these days since curling my hair adds another step BUT if I had these I could dry, roll and then makeup and dress and then voila! My hair would be curled while I was multi-tasking.

My one suitcase is nearing the end of its life and buying luggage isn't something I really find all that exciting, so maybe for a gift I would be excited about it?

If these really work like they show on tv...I must own them.

And thanks to anthro, I would love these weekend clothes staples:

Copy Cat

I am going to steal the idea from one of the blogs I read to share with you my 23 birthday wishes.

I think I have some catching up to do. You can check her wishes out here.

Wish Numero UNO: Tiffany & Co. Vintage Oval Key Pendant (to let everyone one know I hold the keys to my heart and future)

I love these keys so much!!

Wish Number Duex: A Blender....I know how practical! But I am thinking how delicious smoothies would be in summer time. However lets all remember Father of the Bride for a moment.