Monday, June 22, 2015

Waking up from Blogernation

Almost 6 full months since I've been here and tended to any writing, or documenting of any kind. Rather than the reasons, or feelings of why that has been the case, I guess I'll just sigh, laugh at the fact that I'll probably post once, and then go back into blogernation (like hibernation).

It's been nagging at me to come here, to write, to get some things emotionally off my chest. Some friends have also said the same to me recently- wanting to write, to show emotion in a different way than what they've been trying.

I've been pretty down and out about life lately. Sure, I know there is a lot to be happy, thankful and excited about. But denying that it is time to leave DC is no longer an option. My emotional time-clock, and personal well-being have culminated into making everyday a painful reminder that I am not willing to be here anymore. I'm wrung out. My patience is gone, my reserved happiness is drained, and I am emotionally zapped each and everyday. There is a growing feeling of resentment too- and I know that isn't good, especially in support of the long-term. It is time to leave, and I just need to set a date.

The fear and reservations I have had previously, don't really exist anymore. If anything, it is a new fear.  A fear that I won't ever feel like myself again- that this place has changed me and robbed me of two much valuable time being where and who I want to be. I used to really believe in the whole "everything happens for a reason". But I don't really anymore. This experience, coming away feeling empty, less patient, and sad don't make me see this as a positive, or learning experience in any way shape or form.

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