Thursday, October 6, 2016

A Stranger

Hello. Hi. Hey.

Greetings from the other side of the country. Finally. 

I truly am a stranger. Metaphorically on this blog, and truly in this place I haven't lived in for over 10 years. 

It's been a handful of a few months. Jokingly my horoscope even was correct, and mercury was in retrograde, then it wasn't and whoa. Ish happened.

This place feels foreign to me. October, that time when I posted last, was a while ago, but emotionally feel like a lifetime ago. There is a laundry list of change that occurred, some of which is still sinking in even for me.

While I could say I'll take time and create a bunch of posts about each change, I know I won't. I know I'll be lucky to be back here in another 6 months, so laying it out on the table will be the only way to utilize this space to preserve the memory.

I moved. Closed the DC chapter in my life (almost, there is apparently still an epilogue going on). I have a new routine- I wake up super early. I got to ski almost every weekend last winter. I drive a car to the grocery store frequently and don't dread it. I even bought a new car!!! I frequently go outside and feel genuinely lucky to be alive and taking in the view. I am going to be someone's wife. (!!!) I eat way less. I do laundry more frequently. I am making progress on a cross stitch project I've had for 12 ish years. I visit my friends in Seattle. I see my family every day. I feel like the piece of me that I had been looking for ( we are talking flipping couch cushions, emptying your purse, retracing your steps level of looking) was finally found, and it was right where I knew I left it all along.

Closing the chapter of DC in my life is/has been/will be strange. Bittersweet, and emotional. Perhaps writing about it will be cathartic, as I still lie in bed some nights in wonder and shock about what I did. But I am proud.

Oh, so proud that I took the step for me. 

But there it is. I don't recognize my life from the one I had just a few measly 10 months ago.

I realized that it took me so long to make this move, because I felt alone. Which sounds crazy. It looks ridiculous when I type it. I have a loving and supportive network of friends and family- but I think it really came down to me being able to express feeling miserable in DC, but beside myself, no one truly knew, or will ever know, just how incredibly painful living there was for me, but me.

In hind sight, being here, I know no one will ever understand. But I also know now that I was never alone. No one could know my exact thoughts- but the people in my life knew what I needed, and helped me get here.

I'm still working on readjusting some things in my life. Perhaps that has been the biggest change of all, learning to see me, and to trust that what I am feeling and thinking is ok and just as perfectly normal as it is going to get. I struggle with hiding behind work still, and putting down roots, and being honest and vulnerable with people, but this biggest change of finally putting myself somewhere were I don't feel like a fish out of water was a huge step in clearing the way for me to address those items and start to focus on them.

So there it is. Almost 365 days of my life wrapped up into a post that probably doesn't do any of it justice.

Did I mention I am ENGAGED?!?! 

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Stanley- 8 Months

I can't believe Stanley is 8 months.

Actually, more remarkable is that I've kept him alive 6 of those months. Maybe, just maybe I am a big kid some of the time.

Since I don't have a kid to do "monthly updates" on; I figured I'll treat Stanley as such and humor you with some puppy statistics

Nicknames: Stan, Doodle, Doodlebug, Stanman, booboobear, Monkey, Monkmonk, wombat, puppup, 

Weight: 51 lbs (done with the unscientific practice of holding him and subtracting weights)

Food: Fromm's Puppy is the everyday. But someone lives for treats and gets an assortment of Blue Buffalo treats, CharleeBears, Chicken Jerkey, bully steaks, and other assortments. 

Favorite Toys: It rotates. Lately, he loves his "sven" (yes a Frozen toy), stuffed sausage link rope toy, Nylabone, "ugly puppy", and tennis balls

Favorite Activities: Weekend visits to dog parks, going to training, sleeping, eating, picking up sticks, biting the leash, chasing a tennis ball.

Biggest Changes: Getting too big to do things like hid under the couch. Forgetting his manners from puppy school and being a bad jumper
Best Dog Moments: Being decently well behaved when friends came to visit. Has started waiting for me to wake him up in the mornings, vs the other way around.

Bad Dog Moments: Ha! This is an easy category to write about in length! Maybe the jumping on the bed and peeing (WTF!), or biting the leash and playing tug like a maniac. Jumping on strangers and trying to love them just a bit too much.

Best Dog Friends: Edgar, Corduroy, Denali, Cava, Prudence, and coco.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

My Single 2015 New Years Resolution

I don't really set New Years Resolutions.

I used to do the X before X to try to motivate me to accomplish some personal goals each year for my Birthday. You can see my failure here, Meaning...I don't do well with things like this.

I see the value, don't get me wrong, but I am just not a list driven person is what I've decided. How I manage projects for a living is beyond me. 

However, in an attempt to live in the moment. Embrace the experience, and not get caught up in the "how I think it should be" whirlwind. I've made ONE. SINGLE. RESOLUTION!

I will not be Christmas shopping on December 24th unless I am assisting a family member in finishing their shopping. 
Every. single. year. I am shopping on the 24th. Sometimes it is worse than others. Last year was... well... an exception to every year so that doesn't count. But I am horrible and being prepared; and satisfied with my Christmas gift and always look back and wish I'd spent more time with my family vs shopping for them.

So this is my ONLY resolution. I think I mean this is a big deal I can pull this off, but I figured putting it out here was one more level of accountability.

Does anyone have any foul proof methodologies for getting it all done in time? Any great gift ideas people want to share already??

Monday, October 26, 2015

When Someone Up There Likes You

That crazy project that launched last week, the one that caused hours upon hours upon late nights upon stress upon disliking my job for the first time since I started, if starting to wind down. I may actually even be 100% done with it next week- AMEN!

While it was hard, I learned a lot doing this project, some really valuable things that I know will really help with my future at my currently company and as a project manager in general. It also brought me the most amazing coat.

Yest, I said it brought me a coat.

A lovely, girly, perfect-length, warm, soft coat.

The funny part- is my own impulse decisions.

Back in April when I was home to get this guy, I made a bold decision to not take my day-to-day winter coat back to DC with me. It seemed like a statement to say "I won't be there long enough to need this!".


I'm still here. BUT, for a maximum of 2 more months as I refuse to leave Stanley here for the holidays and I am just not coming back after Christmas. I have zero reasons to be in DC anymore.

Anyways..back to my coat.

I was coatless. The temps have started dropping and while I could possibly make do with what I have on hand, I also had to admit that the coat I left behind had gone through three winters of  being my primary coat and was showing signs of love.

So I started looking to just see what was out there. I didn't expect to find much as I am oddly very particular about my winter coats, and being 5'0'' doesn't help with the options available.

Low and behold, less than 10 minutes of browsing and I had fallen in love.

The problem- it was sold out in my size. Hurmph. So I signed up for Nordy's alert for if it was every back in stock and closed my browser and went back to chipping away at that crazy project. 

I kid you not. The day my project launched- I got the email. Magically, in my size, the coat was available. Without hesitation, I purchased and didn't even wince at the idea of money leaving bank account. 

Then I waited. And worried. What if it didn't fit?!? In my head I'd found the meccas of winter coat replacements...but what if I was too chubby for it to zip. 

When that Nordstrom box came, I ripped into like a kid on Christmas, threw the coat on despite it being almost 80 (Seriously DC ?!?!), zipped, and fell in love.

It. was. made. for me. 

I couldn't be more in love with it. Now DC just needs to get colder; or I just need to get the hell out of here ASAP!

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Hair Woes

This is gross to admit, but I recently went through a hair dilemma. My hair slowly turned into a grease pit over the past few months. Stringy, matted to my head, oil galore and flat.  Strangely, it all seemed to start when I gave my hair the chop-chop back in early summer. Part of me thought it was the DC water (the flush the water system with chlorine here), possibly too hard or too soft. I also thought it could be my shampoo and conditioner. I worried about hormones. I thought about air pollutants. My google search history was probably laden with searches for evaluating water hardness; natural 'poo options; and how to make sure you washed out all of your conditioner.

I ended up nixing shampoo and conditioned for a few weeks. "Washing" my hair with baking soda followed by a "conditioner" of vinegar.

I smelled like a salad on the regular.

While the smell wasn't great- it helped. The grease pit was drastically reduced.

I slowly eased into alternating my "natural" regimen with regular shampoo and conditioner and so far things have been ok. I definitely need a hair cut; as my grown out "long bob" is looking lifeless and weighted down, but the icky residue/grease feeling- it still shows up every once in awhile. I am at my whits end about what to do!

More expensive products? Shampoo/conditioner less? Shampoo/conditioner more? Rinse with cold water? Get a hard water filtering shower head? Move to a different city (ha! that one is already happening!)

What do people use for washing their hair? Has anyone heard about this Wen business? Help! I need hair help!