A Stranger

Hello. Hi. Hey.

Greetings from the other side of the country. Finally. 

I truly am a stranger. Metaphorically on this blog, and truly in this place I haven't lived in for over 10 years. 

It's been a handful of a few months. Jokingly my horoscope even was correct, and mercury was in retrograde, then it wasn't and whoa. Ish happened.

This place feels foreign to me. October, that time when I posted last, was a while ago, but emotionally feel like a lifetime ago. There is a laundry list of change that occurred, some of which is still sinking in even for me.

While I could say I'll take time and create a bunch of posts about each change, I know I won't. I know I'll be lucky to be back here in another 6 months, so laying it out on the table will be the only way to utilize this space to preserve the memory.

I moved. Closed the DC chapter in my life (almost, there is apparently still an epilogue going on). I have a new routine- I wake up super early. I got to ski almost every weekend last winter. I drive a car to the grocery store frequently and don't dread it. I even bought a new car!!! I frequently go outside and feel genuinely lucky to be alive and taking in the view. I am going to be someone's wife. (!!!) I eat way less. I do laundry more frequently. I am making progress on a cross stitch project I've had for 12 ish years. I visit my friends in Seattle. I see my family every day. I feel like the piece of me that I had been looking for ( we are talking flipping couch cushions, emptying your purse, retracing your steps level of looking) was finally found, and it was right where I knew I left it all along.

Closing the chapter of DC in my life is/has been/will be strange. Bittersweet, and emotional. Perhaps writing about it will be cathartic, as I still lie in bed some nights in wonder and shock about what I did. But I am proud.

Oh, so proud that I took the step for me. 

But there it is. I don't recognize my life from the one I had just a few measly 10 months ago.

I realized that it took me so long to make this move, because I felt alone. Which sounds crazy. It looks ridiculous when I type it. I have a loving and supportive network of friends and family- but I think it really came down to me being able to express feeling miserable in DC, but beside myself, no one truly knew, or will ever know, just how incredibly painful living there was for me, but me.

In hind sight, being here, I know no one will ever understand. But I also know now that I was never alone. No one could know my exact thoughts- but the people in my life knew what I needed, and helped me get here.

I'm still working on readjusting some things in my life. Perhaps that has been the biggest change of all, learning to see me, and to trust that what I am feeling and thinking is ok and just as perfectly normal as it is going to get. I struggle with hiding behind work still, and putting down roots, and being honest and vulnerable with people, but this biggest change of finally putting myself somewhere were I don't feel like a fish out of water was a huge step in clearing the way for me to address those items and start to focus on them.

So there it is. Almost 365 days of my life wrapped up into a post that probably doesn't do any of it justice.

Did I mention I am ENGAGED?!?! 

The New Reality

It can all change so fast. In the blink of an eye. Each day is a blessing.

These phrases have been fused to my thoughts these past few weeks as they have all taken new meaning due to a startling incident.

Right before Christmas, my mom had gone out to our garage, climbed the pull down ladder into the attic, and somehow managed to step off of the reinforced area that is safe to walk on, and fell to the concrete floor below. I was home, visiting for the holidays working downstairs in my childhood bedroom. Alerted by the dog that something was going on; I went out to the garage to find the neighborhood UPS driver utilizing his military training to keep my mom out of shock and as comfortable as possible until the ambulance arrived.

Catch-up: Family Comes to DC

It is a lazy Saturday ( a much needed lazy one), and the accomplishments today have included: catching up on missed Top Chef episodes, making a "ghetto" latte with coffee from Copenhagen, showering, and eating a lunch of Mac N' Cheese. Luckily, we do have plans to meet-up with some friends tonight, but I am enjoying the art of nothingness for today.

Time continues to evaporate, and I find myself not even knowing how or where to start when I am presented with some down time. Most "down" time is spent watching TV--which is such a waste in so many ways, but often all my brain can comprehend after multiple busy weekends, and weeks of intense work.

After family visiting, a trip back west, a work trip up north and early morning weekends, I relished in a lack of an alarm, and taking my sweet time to get dressed and ready for the day.

To re-cap some of happenings from the last few weeks...I present mediocre iphone photos to capture the moments:

Birthday Dinner for Gramps at DGBG, complete with homemade sausages.

We did a weekend trip down to see Williamsburg and Monticello, and lucked out with some of the most fantastic fall weather.

A final day-trip was to Annapolis where we checked out the state house and waterfront.

A final evening in DC was topped off with a impromptu visit to Graffito (which ended up being the best meal of their trip!)

And possibly the first family selfie.

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I am Thankful for Snow, Peanut Butter, Family and Lattes

(Not in that order, and not and not an all encompassing statement)

Like last year, the BF and I skipped out of DC for Thanksgiving and opted for some early season skiing, peanut butter pie, and a potato product for our Thanksgiving meal. It is like a tradition of sorts. We went to Utah last Thanksgiving and decided to do a repeat this year.

This year we arrived a bit earlier in the day, and while we still had some hashbrowns at the hotel bar, we were able to have a restaurant Thanksgiving meal at Faustina. We also were able to have my parents come join us the day after Thanksgiving which made the trip really special for me.

The day my parents were driving to Utah to meet us, we skied Alta so we could get our ski legs under us. We had some amazing weather, decent early season snow and ended up running into people who were on our same flight!

That evening we met up with my parents for dinner at Squatters, where they have the most delicious peanut butter pie! We knew we were going to have to back back after having it last year! (Their beer is really good to, but man oh man, that pie!).

The next day we decided to ski Solitude, which I really enjoyed last year. In turned out to be sunny, warm, and the perfect terrain for all of us to warm up our legs!

That evening we checked out a local pizza place, Davanza's, and they had the most amazing walls covered in cans.

The boys were into watching the football games and recaps, while my mom and I were intrigued by all the different can designs.

The final day of skiing out my legs to the test, and I can say I am happy I have been hitting the gym a lot recently!

The BF couldn't join us on our last ski day, so it was just my parents and I. After a lot of indecision we decided to go to Snowbird, which we had last skied at about 12 years ago! We lucked out with some sunshine, moderate temperatures and some great laps on the tram.

We skied until our legs fell off. Well, we stopped just before that, but we skied a full day and cheersed each other with some brews at the base.

With a snow storm rolling in, my parents got an early start the next morning to head home while we broke out the laptops for work.

I discovered a lovely bookstore/coffee shop that made my mornings. We got to do a bit more exploring:

Then to top off the food for the trip we went to an awesome pasta place that was just a hop skip from our apartment which was perfect since the snow had really started to pick up.

After dinner I braved the blizzard that had set in and went and picked up two more pieces of that peanut butter pie for us to enjoy in the warmth of our hotel.

Yes that is PB pie in bed while I read a novel on the iPad.

It was a great Thanksgiving and I was lucky to get to spend it with some of my family.

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New

I'm hanging out in a hotel In New Jersey, having just completed day two of the new job. It is going well. Change, it is always good and this time it feels really good.

There has been a lot of "new" is the last 24 hours. New family additions ( of the fur type for my parents), new career opportunities, new people, new life style, new realities.

Doesn't it all sound so good when you use the lens of "new" vs "change"?

Change gets a bad reputation for sure, some of it rightfully so, and if I was looking at some of the things that have transpired in the last 24 hours I would say that they are that not so great change that we stumble on. However, maybe if I just keep looking at all of it with the idea of change there will be fewer feelings of sad or anxiety.

Lucky for me, I am living and breathing an employment dream right now. Keeping me focused on all of the fresh newness, and keeping that perspective front and center.

Ps....isn't she cute?

 

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The Weekend After

This is my first full week back in the office since about three weeks ago. It is also my last full week in this office. Then I have a whole new work existence, and that is a bit exciting and nerve wracking at the same time! Mostly exciting though.

Back to being gone. The BF and I were first in California, gallivanting to LA and then down to San Diego for Kendal's awesome wedding. Then I jetted to Idaho for a fast few days in my beloved state. Followed by meeting up with the BF again in Kansas City for a wedding and two baseball games!

I'll backtrack later hopefully to talk more about California and Missouri but for now I'll show you a bit of my trip to Idaho.

My parents greeted me at the airport, and they came with the most beautiful bouquet of roses.

My mom said she always loves seeing people with flowers at the airport because it shows how special someone is to another person, and my mom wanted that for me! The sweetest!

I had time to do a lot of the things I love most about Boise. As well as things from my childhood. Like taking a quick walk up Camels Back to catch a view of the city.

Strolling downtown and checking out some new boutiques that have some great items!

If you are in Boise you must check out Indie Made (and buy me that onsie for my firstborn!), and stroll into Mixed Greens just a few blocks over. I had to buy something at each store because they were just filled with adorable gifts, amazing lotions and soaps, and an amazing bag (if anyone wants to get me a gift ;)) that was perfection.

I flipped through old family photos. Shed a few tears over how empty the house felt without the presense of "The Poodle".

Being a gentleman and stealing Christmas decorations to woo the girls with.

Sitting on the chair lift with dad.

Yup, We made him wear a skunk costume. He was NOT happy.

There were also some gems like these that had me rolling on the floor laughing.

There was lunch with friends. At Fork and BleuBird Cafe, which if you are in Boise...you must visit. It was delightful. Cheery. Great food. Hand crafted drinks. A must. I can't rave enough.

I saw the new Boise Tower....which if you had any idea of how long this has been in the making, you'd be amazed too!

Dessert, (chocolate dipped cone) post lunch with a childhood friend at this classic establishment.

Treated to dinner at the new-to-me,10 Barrel Brewery, that seems to be the perfect addition to the Boise downtown scene. The three of us did a beer tasting, and has so much fun figuring out which was each of our favorites and then ordering an additional beer of our favorites!

I even got to see my favorite littles and my sister!

I can't believe how big they both are. Wyatt is almost taller than me (ok, not really but it seems like it!) and is such a neat little kid. I love that he remembers me and things about my life. He knows I live far away (sad), but totally gets that I fly on planes and that I love to just sit abd play with him. Oh, and that Ava. She is all girl. She loves clothes and shoes. She lets you know she is there, and man she holds her own. I could not be any more in love with those two!

My final day. I squeezed in a run alongside the beautiful Boise River.

Got to visit with my aunt and uncle and then even made a very quick stop at the new location of the Rosiemade store where I also saw (unforunately had to run so didn't get to talk to) Aunie from Aunie Sauce.

The next morning I was up bright and early to head to Missouri for round two of the wedding trip. Leaving Boise was hard. It always it. And it just seems to get harder with each trip.

This past weekend I was in a funk. Sleeping every chance I could get (granted I've been fighting a cold and we pulled an all nighter coming back to DC), and just feeling mopey. It took me awhile to realize it was the DC Blechs settling in. Luckily, the weekend is always greeted with Monday, and with my transition to the new job in full swing, work is busy and distracting, so not much time to mope or think about where else I would like to be.

Boise, you have my heart and in so many ways.

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Theodore

I wrote this in the morning this past Wednesday. An overwhelming sense to remember this and to write this happened, and for a reason I will never know.
 
Later on this same Wednesday, my parents called to tell me that Theo had to be put down due to a tumor that had ruptured. Maybe I knew. Call it instinct, or what you will. But I know deep down I was unknowingly given time to write my goodbye in a way to my dog.
 
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This is the story of how I found my poodle.

Theodore Rossignol. Theo. Boo-Bear. Theo Bear. Moop. Best Dog. The Poodle.

I am sure some of you have caught on to my rather unhealthy love of poodles. I have always grown up with a dog around. Starting with my parents old English Sheepdog, Mandie. Beau was our first poodle. A black standard that was a renegade and defiant guy. Beau's passing was really hard, and I pushed pretty hard to get another poodle.

I don't know how it all came to be. I believe my mom was just keeping her eyes out for poodles in the paper, but soon enough we had scheduled to have a breeder come over with two of her remaining puppies in the most recent litter from her mom-poodle, Aurora. I remember being super excited to meet the little guys, but my mom reminded me that it wasn't for sure we would buy one, or that we would even like one of the two. (yea...right.)

It was an afternoon, the door bell rang, and in bounded a furtacular poofy white poodle. In tow were two teeny tiny little poodles. In turn we were introduced to "Meanabugger" & "White-y". We sat on the hardwood floor in our kitchen, trying to pet each one as they scampered about exploring and sliding all over the hardwood floor. Aurora just kind of sat and watched, posing like the regal dog that she was.

Meanabugger was apparently the trouble maker, the one who picked on the other puppies and kind of threw his (metaphorical & physical) weight around. White-y was rambunctious. He sniffed my hand tentatively, and then gave it a tiny little poodle lick. Watching him as he trucked off into our "green room" (It had teal carpet and teal couches, so it really was the green room) to try to pee on our carpet, I knew it was love, and I knew he was mine.

Again, my memory on the logistics is fuzzy, but the poodles got packed up to leave, we said we would call the breeder later and then we watched the walk out the their car. Deep down, I was already scared I would never see White-y again. I don't remember if my dad had come home and met the poodles, or if we told him about them later. Regardless, I remember we talked about it that night, and the next I knew. We had bought White-y had to wait a few weeks before he could be hand delivered to the house.

When he showed up, he was as cute as I had remembered. All white, with little patches of cream behind his ears and a slightly darker cream stripe starting to show down his back. He had the blackest little nose, and dark dark chocolate brown eyes. He was tiny. He could rest on my arm and not span from my hand to my elbow. He would sleep curled up in your arms, and he loved to be flipped on his back in your lap to get his tummy rubbed (later to be coined "floppy dog").

Theo is the best. A lover of pancakes. His ability to stealth attack food in the kitchen by retracting his toenails. Needing to be pet just about every waking moment of his day. His lazy saunter to go outside. His baths with dad. His morning routine with mom. The plethora of biscuits we give him. His love of the squirrel treats I bring from DC. His glee for opening his Christmas stocking. His desire to protect "the ranch" from every deer, squirrel, fox and quail that roams our yard. His impassioned quest to kill the garbage and fedex truck. His long legged graceful takeover of the chairs and couches. His regal personality, and celebrity like status at the dog wash. His funny sleep positions. His lazy ways of resting his head on the bottoms of chairs or tables. His perfect "sit" posture. And the million other Theo-things that make him the best dog.

He was so little. Now he is so big. He has been a constant source of love and an addition to our family that is irreplaceable.

I love you Theo!

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It's been a hard few days. I've lost pets before. Dogs, numerous fish, and it is always hard to find yourself with them at the end of the day. Dogs are so dependent on you, and the bonds of unspoken love weave their way through your heart. My heart broke learning that I would never see my Theodore again. I am heartsick and sad and a million other emotions that I know will fade with time.
I know I will never forget what a special dog Theo was, and how much I truly loved him.
 
Luckily, after a childhood full of watching "All Dogs go to Heaven", I am fully convinced that my "best dog" is eating pancakes galore in pup heaven.
 
Theo, your humans will always miss you and will always love you. Thank you for your unconditional love and plethora of memories. We love you Theo dog!
 

One of his first baths. He always sat so goofy when I would hold him. He also had the longest legs that you could see even when he was a tiny puppy!

 

He ran with gusto. I am pretty sure this was when we were cutting a Christmas Tree in Sun Valley. Someone had clearly told him they had a treat for him.

 

Sometimes we let his hair grow out a bit....

 

The pinkest little ears. Fuzzy fur. Soft as could be. With the cutest little black nose.

 

So little he could almost crawl inside his food bowl.

 

Wind whipping through his fur as he rode in the front of the boat in CDA, back in summers past.

 

(apologies for the photos of photos and bad quality!)