A Stranger

Hello. Hi. Hey.

Greetings from the other side of the country. Finally. 

I truly am a stranger. Metaphorically on this blog, and truly in this place I haven't lived in for over 10 years. 

It's been a handful of a few months. Jokingly my horoscope even was correct, and mercury was in retrograde, then it wasn't and whoa. Ish happened.

This place feels foreign to me. October, that time when I posted last, was a while ago, but emotionally feel like a lifetime ago. There is a laundry list of change that occurred, some of which is still sinking in even for me.

While I could say I'll take time and create a bunch of posts about each change, I know I won't. I know I'll be lucky to be back here in another 6 months, so laying it out on the table will be the only way to utilize this space to preserve the memory.

I moved. Closed the DC chapter in my life (almost, there is apparently still an epilogue going on). I have a new routine- I wake up super early. I got to ski almost every weekend last winter. I drive a car to the grocery store frequently and don't dread it. I even bought a new car!!! I frequently go outside and feel genuinely lucky to be alive and taking in the view. I am going to be someone's wife. (!!!) I eat way less. I do laundry more frequently. I am making progress on a cross stitch project I've had for 12 ish years. I visit my friends in Seattle. I see my family every day. I feel like the piece of me that I had been looking for ( we are talking flipping couch cushions, emptying your purse, retracing your steps level of looking) was finally found, and it was right where I knew I left it all along.

Closing the chapter of DC in my life is/has been/will be strange. Bittersweet, and emotional. Perhaps writing about it will be cathartic, as I still lie in bed some nights in wonder and shock about what I did. But I am proud.

Oh, so proud that I took the step for me. 

But there it is. I don't recognize my life from the one I had just a few measly 10 months ago.

I realized that it took me so long to make this move, because I felt alone. Which sounds crazy. It looks ridiculous when I type it. I have a loving and supportive network of friends and family- but I think it really came down to me being able to express feeling miserable in DC, but beside myself, no one truly knew, or will ever know, just how incredibly painful living there was for me, but me.

In hind sight, being here, I know no one will ever understand. But I also know now that I was never alone. No one could know my exact thoughts- but the people in my life knew what I needed, and helped me get here.

I'm still working on readjusting some things in my life. Perhaps that has been the biggest change of all, learning to see me, and to trust that what I am feeling and thinking is ok and just as perfectly normal as it is going to get. I struggle with hiding behind work still, and putting down roots, and being honest and vulnerable with people, but this biggest change of finally putting myself somewhere were I don't feel like a fish out of water was a huge step in clearing the way for me to address those items and start to focus on them.

So there it is. Almost 365 days of my life wrapped up into a post that probably doesn't do any of it justice.

Did I mention I am ENGAGED?!?! 

Breaking a Rule

I broke one of my cardinal rules.

One that I have learned not to break because the rule is there for my self protection more than anything else.

But I went ahead and broke it, and now I've got to deal with the consequences.

What rule did I break?

Life Rule No. 8: (Not sure what 1-7 are, but I am sure I have them)

Thou shall not, evereth thinkith of home before sheith is on the chariot carrying her homeward.

Such a major major major no no, and yet, I didn't pay attention.

Now I am anxious with a side of spontaneous tears that crop up at really inconvenient times. Sigh.

I know better than to think about the comforts of home. The wonderful dinners with family. The beautiful views of Boise. The lack of pee smell when you walk around downtown. The nice people, who don't act like they are better, more important or smarter than you. The families who aren't in a rush, but are just ambling to enjoy the day. The ease of getting around, and comfort of knowing where everything is. The feeling that everything is ok and as it should be.

I can't wait to drink a cup of coffee looking out at the bluest of skies on a sunny morning. Or to eat a slice of pizza from one of my favorite places. Or to just eat dinner with my parents.

But there is reality. Which means I better get a grip or I am going to be leaking tears embarrassingly for far too many days before I get on that plane.

Homesickness. It is the worst.

image via

Luckily, I am not far off from being west bound and being back where I belong for a few days. 

p.s. funny how I never have been "homesick" for DC. Should have listened to myself a long time ago to realize this place would never be more than just a "place" to me. 

A Saturday in Boise Dreamin'

The weather has been so nice here in DC ("so nice" being a relative term- but seriously; it is eerily nice this summer!) and there are moments where I even forget I am in this condemned city. Sometimes I even get whiffs (yes, actual smells) that smell just like Idahome and I my brain instantly goes into overdrive planning a day that I quickly realize I can't actually have because I am thousands of shitty miles away from everything good and lovely. But IF I were able to have that lovely day that is in my head, it'd go a something bit like this:

I'd wake up in my lovely little bungalow home, where I could pad to my kitchen and start working on coffee and making some crepes. Meanwhile; I'd let Stanley out in the backyard where he would go like under his favorite big tree and enjoy the fresh air. After breakfast and a shower; we'd head down to the Roosevelt Market; just a short walk away, maybe pick up a smoothie, or additional cup of coffee.

We'd then load up into our bright red Subaru and head to Boise Farmers Market to pick up some fresh fruits and veggies, homemade pasta, and wine from the local vineyards.

After dropping the food goods at home, Stanley would request a walk down the Boise River, so we would go meander for a few miles to get his energy out. Once he was good and tired; he would go home for a nice long nap and I would meet up with some friends for drinks and dinner at this wonderful establishment for some of my favorite beer.

All I can say is...sign. me. up.

The Weekend After

This is my first full week back in the office since about three weeks ago. It is also my last full week in this office. Then I have a whole new work existence, and that is a bit exciting and nerve wracking at the same time! Mostly exciting though.

Back to being gone. The BF and I were first in California, gallivanting to LA and then down to San Diego for Kendal's awesome wedding. Then I jetted to Idaho for a fast few days in my beloved state. Followed by meeting up with the BF again in Kansas City for a wedding and two baseball games!

I'll backtrack later hopefully to talk more about California and Missouri but for now I'll show you a bit of my trip to Idaho.

My parents greeted me at the airport, and they came with the most beautiful bouquet of roses.

My mom said she always loves seeing people with flowers at the airport because it shows how special someone is to another person, and my mom wanted that for me! The sweetest!

I had time to do a lot of the things I love most about Boise. As well as things from my childhood. Like taking a quick walk up Camels Back to catch a view of the city.

Strolling downtown and checking out some new boutiques that have some great items!

If you are in Boise you must check out Indie Made (and buy me that onsie for my firstborn!), and stroll into Mixed Greens just a few blocks over. I had to buy something at each store because they were just filled with adorable gifts, amazing lotions and soaps, and an amazing bag (if anyone wants to get me a gift ;)) that was perfection.

I flipped through old family photos. Shed a few tears over how empty the house felt without the presense of "The Poodle".

Being a gentleman and stealing Christmas decorations to woo the girls with.

Sitting on the chair lift with dad.

Yup, We made him wear a skunk costume. He was NOT happy.

There were also some gems like these that had me rolling on the floor laughing.

There was lunch with friends. At Fork and BleuBird Cafe, which if you are in Boise...you must visit. It was delightful. Cheery. Great food. Hand crafted drinks. A must. I can't rave enough.

I saw the new Boise Tower....which if you had any idea of how long this has been in the making, you'd be amazed too!

Dessert, (chocolate dipped cone) post lunch with a childhood friend at this classic establishment.

Treated to dinner at the new-to-me,10 Barrel Brewery, that seems to be the perfect addition to the Boise downtown scene. The three of us did a beer tasting, and has so much fun figuring out which was each of our favorites and then ordering an additional beer of our favorites!

I even got to see my favorite littles and my sister!

I can't believe how big they both are. Wyatt is almost taller than me (ok, not really but it seems like it!) and is such a neat little kid. I love that he remembers me and things about my life. He knows I live far away (sad), but totally gets that I fly on planes and that I love to just sit abd play with him. Oh, and that Ava. She is all girl. She loves clothes and shoes. She lets you know she is there, and man she holds her own. I could not be any more in love with those two!

My final day. I squeezed in a run alongside the beautiful Boise River.

Got to visit with my aunt and uncle and then even made a very quick stop at the new location of the Rosiemade store where I also saw (unforunately had to run so didn't get to talk to) Aunie from Aunie Sauce.

The next morning I was up bright and early to head to Missouri for round two of the wedding trip. Leaving Boise was hard. It always it. And it just seems to get harder with each trip.

This past weekend I was in a funk. Sleeping every chance I could get (granted I've been fighting a cold and we pulled an all nighter coming back to DC), and just feeling mopey. It took me awhile to realize it was the DC Blechs settling in. Luckily, the weekend is always greeted with Monday, and with my transition to the new job in full swing, work is busy and distracting, so not much time to mope or think about where else I would like to be.

Boise, you have my heart and in so many ways.

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Holy Smokes! What a Week!

Holy smokes* what a week!

I'm telling you- I feel so excited for this Friday evening and the weekend that stretches ahead. Despite it being summer in DC our weather is still absolutely lovely, and I have been doing my best to take full-advantage of this less-than-common DC summer by having lunch outside, walking home (and taking the long way), sitting by the pool to catch the last few rays of sun for the day, and just taking a few moments to appreciate the bluer-than-normal-sky.

This week was the very definition of an "emotional roller coaster". If I didn't have gray hairs before, I certainly do now.

But all's well that ends well, right?

And if I am not jumping the gun, all has ended well.

Remember talking about the Life Trifecta a la SATC? Well, I'm here to say it is back on my mind. Thinking about that tripod of wants. Work, Living, Love. I feel like I just made a radical step in making one of the legs on my tripod super stable this week. But pesky living. Living is, and always has been, the messy part. That ache of homesickness never seems to cease and desist. While it its nagging voice does get a lot quieter at certain times, I always know it is there.

Which makes this rare DC summer all the more special. It is the closest "like home" summer I've had, and at times it makes those waves of gut-wrenching homesickness come in full-force, but it also and calmed that yelling in my heart. With being able to do things outside, enjoying the long hours of sunlight, and savoring those weeks where summer slowly slips into the briskness and coziness of fall.

* Well onto more about home, and smoke. Idaho is burning up right now. With crazy forest fires threatening the Wood River Valley, my favorite place in the world. My heart is in a little clenched up ball worrying about the safety of my loved ones, the community and the ski mountain. My prayers are about hoping they get this under control and soon!

Life Simplistic

I got ALL worked up last night. Like hotmesssnottynose style, thinking that I had made a series of wrong turns that most definitely had led me somewhere where I would never recover from. Leading me to call it an evening and turn off the lights, tuck myself in with a soft blanket and retire my thoughts. I woke up today with my eye lids sealed shut with sleep and the desire for peanut butter (because peanut butter fixes empty stomachs and I somehow managed to not even eat dinner last night). So after a bagel with peanut butter, a cup of coffee and some new music put on my phone I decided I needed a change of scenery. If gas didn't cost so much I would have just driven for hours today. No direction, no map, no GPS, no intent except to look out the window at this:

It was blue. It was radiant. It played into my thoughts from reading Kelle Hampton's blog this morning. The sea provides a constant reminder and grounding for Kelle, there she sees sunsets and sunrises, like clockwork, a simple reminder that despite all, the world will continue to move us forward...reminding us that a bad night will pass and tomorrow has the promise of big fluffy white clouds hanging in a crystal blue sky.

So I didn't drive for hours. Instead I tried to go to Buzz for some coffee, cookies and a session with my Module 1 PHR prep book. Buzz was packed. So was my favorite Starbucks in Old Town. So was the Library. Detered not I found  an ordinary Starbucks, with little-to-no charm, but it had an open seat and I sat down to study. I swear I had opened my book for a total of 2 minutes and I hear a guy telling his friend about his new home in Idaho and how the Sawtooth mountains are framed in his living room windows. Leaning a bit closer, I heard him continue to talk about this amazing little town of Stanley Idaho. I couldn't resist. I had to pull my Idaho card. So we chatted about Idaho things. Like open spaces, and cold weather, and river rafting and deer in your backyard. It is a small small small world....after all.

via

And if you haven't listened to all of this yet. You really should. It makes me sing at the top of my lungs in the car, taping the steering wheel, rocking out in that type of way that one does when no one is watching.  

Jingle All the Way

En route back to DC as I type. As usual, last night was rough and the first leg of my flight was a big tear laden and snot filled. Always hard to leave loved ones and head back to reality. My vacation was fairly relaxing. I did catch a cold which hindered my plans that I had in mind for this holiday season, but there was also a lack of snow and open ski resorts this year, so I wasn’t missing much when I was home feeling a little less than stellar.
First stop was in Seattle to see many of my amazing friends. I was able to squeeze in a few nights of going out, a run around Greenlake with Sara and Carly,dinner at Cactus, bonding sesh with Monica, shopping with Sara, brunch with the PC, dinner with Brooke (meeting Pearl, seeing her adorable abode and wedding chat!), a real cup of Starbucks and then my first Seattle lightrail experience. Seattle was wonderful and I am so blessed and thankful to have the chance to stop of there on my way home for Christmas. Naturally I hardly took any pictures when I was there (tres sad).

View from Sara’s office

PCO’Flare Brunch. Everyone was a bit sleep deprived.

Pike Place Market at Sunset.

Chowder Lunch with Sara.

Monica bough tequila. Oh. No.

I flew home mid-day and was able to grab dinner with my dad before heading home to say hello to my favorite poodle.



As usual I had to cram all of my Christmas shopping into the few precious days before the 25th and set out to get some of it done as soon as I could the next day. After running around and accomplishing some shopping I got to head home to see Nicole and Wyatt who had driven down from Sun Valley. Wyatt has gotten cuter (if that is possible) and has a vocabulary like no ones business.

Playing with Gramps train under the tree

Getting a little hair cut. Curls didn’t go away!

Tickle. He asks you to tickle him.

Sadly both my mom and I came down with some nasty colds/sinus infections/etc. and we ended up being home bound many of the days I was home. I did get to spend lots of time with Wyatt and Nicole. and some how managed to finish all my shopping with a little bit to spare.
Christmas eve was spent at my aunts doing our traditional dinner, drinks, gift game and presents event. It is one of my favorite nights of the entire year and I am always looking forward to seeing my cousins, aunt and uncle.

Opening one of the first gifts of the traditional gift game. Lotter Tickets of course.

Drawing the next name. Drinks.

Ham.

Playing race with his cousin.

Reading the new Brown Bear Brown Bear book with cousins.

Opening Idaho gear. Complete with beer of choice.

Christmas morning was complete with rolls stockings and getting a start on opening gifts. Wyatt had even more than last year and I kid you not when I say we were still opening gifts at 9pm! Wyatt enjoyed taking his sweet time and wanted to play with each gift as he opened it…so it took awhile to get through the pile.

Thomas, the remote controlled train.

Opening his fire truck. (This is Christmas evening when we were in different jammies and STILL opening gifts).

Wyatt loved the chocolate peanut butter balls and even helped himself to another bon bon.

Theo was chewing his paws….so Wyatt decided to too.

The last few days were spent exchanging gifts,baking, taking naps, cuddling with the poodle, walks with Wyatt, gingerbread house decorating (Wyatt’s First!) watching movies, grabbing lunch and brunch with friends.

Wyatt’s first gingerbread house! He was more into eating the candy and licking the frosting off the house.

Needless to say. The house was a masterpiece.

Go Caps!

Brunch with some of my favorite people in Idaho.

The return to DC came all too quickly and I am not looking forward to returning to work or the reality of bigkidlife.
On my flight to SFO I had to really think of things I am looking forward to to distract me from being too upset and scaring the person next to me with my tears. I did come up with some great things: I am looking forward to seeing the man, having a three day weekend after a short Friday at the office, taking an art class with Ben, catching up with friends. And longer term I am looking forward to a ski trip in March, my second niece/nephew’s arrival in April, and Brooke’s wedding in May.