Sunday, November 11, 2012

You Won't Find this on WedMD

When I get really fired up, or really upset I sink into this almost sub-human, not-natural, overly cordial and appropriate human who goes through some coping stages to gain "control". Now, this isn't common, but just sometimes I go through what I like to call the 4 phases of freak out.  

Phase 1: Detached and Cordial Hear me Roar

Not much to see here folks. I pretty much become the fake sorority version of myself that got me through rush pulled together power house of a woman I can be, sans the "err, umm" ness that typically accompanies my personality. If you don't spend a lot of time around me, I probably just come off as distracted. BEWARE: Deep down it is like a really tired three year old who is all fun and games until they trip and fall.

This gives away to my need to see results...

Phase 2: Baking to Cope

Cookies typically. Chocolate chip is usually the for sure sign I have moved into phase two (or if one missed phase 1- this is a pretty apparent sign). Sometimes I will go for something really complicated. Seven layer cake. Baked Alaska. Truffles. Usually I go with something that is quick, comes with clear direction and I know the outcome. I like the feeling of pulling out a sheet of cookies and knowing that I followed the directions and therefore got exactly what was expected and predicted. No back talking, no behavior that makes me want to bang my head against a wall. Just pure, delightful cookies that I can eat to distract myself.

Phase 3: Cleaning

If the cookies don't make me feel better, or don't give me time to sort through my frustration (or I realized I made my tush bigger and didn't solve anything).  I move on to cleaning. Deep cleaning. Refrigerators, nooks and crannys, drawers that I usually just pretend don't exist, closets, and under furniture. Luckily, for me this usually results in a pretty clean apartment. You can get out a lot of frustration scrubbing, scrapping, pushing and pulling cleaning products around. You also can run through a few rolls of paper towels. Your skin can also get so dry it hurts the next day. Oh, but it feels so good?

This is the phase that usually breaks me. I can't say I have hit the cleaning phase and not finally, completely and totally lost my ish and finally just cried, and finally verbally diarrheaed on someone. That isn't to say there isn't a Phase 4....

Phase 4: ???

I hope that this could potentially be excessive working out and healthy eating habits...but let's be real, this is me we are talking about. I am thinking it is something more like excessive poodle purchasing. I'd probably have 8-10 poodles in this phase and would start wearing knit sweaters with poodles on them (oh wait....I already do that). You get the point. I don't think I or anyone every wants to see Phase 4.

Let's add some real life examples to this, shall we?

This weekend. I baked. I baked brown butter, nutella stuffed sea salt cookies. I also bought everything to make chewy pumpkin cookies. After the baking? Well I just finished a marathon 5 hours deep scrub of the main room of my apartment. Oh! You are going to open that drawer in my tv stand? Oh! It is perfectly organized and clean? Yea, that is right. I went a little nuts. My hands hurt. I am down one roll of paper towels and my apartment smells like synthetic lemon. I also didn't stop because I felt better. No. Instead I stopped so I could take a shower and put some real clothes on. Pretty sure I have another few days of the Phase 3ness. Unless I lose my ish. Which I might. Never can tell when I am going to hit that point.

For now, I am going to ride out this cleaning craze. Hope I make it to my closet and then I will just anticipate the need to eat all those cookies I made....