Monday, July 15, 2013

28 before 28

I can hardly type 28 without getting hives. I won't lie, the big Two Seven kind of scared me. I am still a little shook up about it.
I feel like there is no turning back at this point. Ya know what I mean? Kind of like, I have to make sure that the what's, who's, when's, where's, and why's are all making sense. And maybe I didn't feel like they really are ( oh who am I kidding, I know they aren't making sense.) So I got a little sick to my stomach about this latest birthday. Thanks to my family, boyfriend, and friends, I had an amazing actually birthday day, one of the best I can remember in a long time.
But my stomach is still knotted.
Some big things have happened recently, and I don't mean to be cryptic about it, but the 5Ws are blatantly not making sense these days.
I know only I can change that. What happened recently illustrates that point so well, it felt almost like the universe giving me a nice slap across my face to wake me up. What I've known all along is that I have to be ready and acting on the desire to have change. No one else can do that for me.
So I usually try to do by age by age goal list every year. Last years didn't even get finished being put together, but I did check some items off. I've certainly had some better years, ........ Doing these lists.
This year I thought it better to not focus on 28 specific things I think will help me grow, experience more, and have a rich life, but to look at the big picture. Get my 5Ws out in the front, and made to be what I want.
I want to make the changes this year that I know will let me live the life I want.
There isn't a magic answer to this, or even a game plan, but I want to think of this year as a time to focus on how I can accomplish the changes I wish to see in my life.
I want to free myself up from the worry, anxiety and doubt that I have with doing any drastic. I want to make bold decisions. No matter how scary, seemingly "risky", or unpopular they are. If it helps me figure out my Where's, why's and such, the I want to think about it and make decisions.
I don't have the answer of what I want my life to specifically look like, but I crave change, I need changes, and I think I know some of the changes I need. I want to make those decisions. I want to turn 28 next year and know that I did this year thinking about the future. Thinking about that I want to not see it as being scared about not being able to turn back. but to know I went forward. Upward. Onward.
A previous years goal list here.

1 comment:

  1. I don't know why I wrote this nor do I recall when I wrote it, but I recently found a little note that I made in the corner of a sticky note that says "May you love yourself enough to chance." Looks like we have similar things on our mind :)