Charlotte's Web

So a few weeks ago I started noticing this very large spider web being spun right outside my window. The spider (we shall call him Charlotte. Yes, HIM.) was using my window screen and the old clothes line that is outside my window to create his web of mastery. Well I thought that a good rain would wash him down the spout (itsy bitsy spider). I was wrong. Rain came, rain went. Charlotte stayed.

The web grew, and grew, and grew. At last Charlotte started catching icky things in his web and was making one of those nasty looking balls of bug devastation and web. I couldn't take looking at it every morning when I was doing my hair and make-up.

Finally I made up my mind that Charlotte was not welcome outside my window.

I looked around my room for something disposable that I could wipe the web down with and then throw out the window so it would land near the garbage piles that are two floors down from my window. Q-tip. Too-short (spider could jump and land on my hand. ew.)  Hanger. Plastic. Not something I want to sacrifice to the spider disposal efforts. Paper. Too flimsy. Spider would win.

So we tried blowing Charlotte and his ball of ick away with my hair dryer. I think Charlotte liked it. He leaned into to it....not away.

Finally! A brown paper bag that had carried a bottle of wine home one evening. Perfect.

I scraped web, Charlotte, and the ball of ick onto the bag (kind of how the swirl cotton candy around those cones). Panicked as Charlotte started to get all frantic and screamed. Launching the paper bag out the window and down to land on the neighbors window sill below. Crap. Oops.

So now the neighbors get Charlotte.

End of story....


or not.

Next day I come home to an open window...with no screen.

All my jostling had loosened my screen and during the day it fell down to the trash piles. Serves me right for trying to rid my window of Charlotte. The universe taking revenge. Anyways. After a few nails, dirt on my hands and some inappropriate words of frustration. The screen is back in place. Charlotte I believe is still getting to know the neighbors below me and all is good and right in the world.

P.S.: Charlotte really think about that "you are what you eat" saying.