Not Real Sure

I have been in a funk.

I know it has been going on, but the fact people have pointed out my less than stellar mood lately makes it official. And officially bad. I hate when I give off the vibe that I am just not a happy person. I am feeling like I am being tried and tested in every possible shape and form right now. Naturally I am not responding well and I am turning into one of those draining people who no one likes to be around. Gross.

I have the big move coming up this week and next weekend and while I am beyond excited to decorate, paint, and finally be able to spread out a bit more I am also nervous and wondering if I have made the right choice. I mean we are talking about a lot of money and even scarier a year long contract.

I get nervous about commitments (surprise surprise) that mean I have to trust in the future. I mean we all know that DC hasn't been the easiest place for me to move to. It has grown on me, and I do feel way more established than I did a year ago, but I still feel a little out of place. I still miss people and my family some days to the point where my insides hurt. So I am just nervous that everything that I have built on here could unravel and fall apart. And I know, I know, take it one day at a time, right? And chances are that in the next year I am going to like DC even more, and feel even better about the person I have become here. It's just hard. Hard to trust. So I have been doing a lot of praying lately, and just asking to have a sense of relief when I get my apartment keys. So if you have any spare prayers...throw them my way! :)

So I have my fingers crossed that Monday I will get my keys, and all my stress, frustration and anxiety about this whole thing is just going to melt away and I will know that this is right. It is also so hard to keep in mind that there are so many things in life that I just don't have control over. It is so easy to be mad and frustrated when things come up and ruin your plans or throw you off course but the reality is you just have to let it go. This is something I am really not good at. I take it personally. But I got myself so worked up this week about things I have absolutely zero control over and it was a miserable feeling. So I need to get better at just walking away from things that suck but aren't anything I can change.

Perhaps this is a prime moment to remind myself of the four rules:

1) Whoever comes are the right people.
2) Whatever happens is the only thing that could have.
3) Whenever it starts it is the right time.
4) When it is over, it is over.

So thank you all for bearing with me the last week or so. I know I have been less fun than I can probably imagine, but that you for loving me and being there for me to lean on.