Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Asking for What Could Make it Great.

I am a major scaredypants when it comes to:

  1. Saying what I am thinking
  2. Saying what I am feeling
  3. Saying ALL of what I am thinking
  4. Saying ALL of what I am thinking
  5. Telling someone that they missed the mark
  6. Asking for what I REALLY need/want.
By scaredypants I mean I

  1. I have an irrational fear of making people upset with me.
  2. I really avoid conflict like the plague.
  3. I don't want to pile too much on to someone and have them peace out because they find it overwhelming or exahusting.
  4. I usually cry and get all snotty faced when I have to talk about how I am feeling. So I avoid crying and looking snotty faced.
So I avoid talking about all this stuff and then what happens? I totally freak out.

But more importantly, I have started to realize I am only asking and talking to people to get things to a point where they are "ok" or "good". I have gotten so scared of the repercussions of asking for what I really need in a dialogue. I say what is safe. What feels safe. And what I get is the safe response. This usually leaves me feeling more of the same emotion I was feeling, topped of with massive frustration. Frustrated with myself for not saying more and asking for what I need. And irrationally at the person for not reading my mind (beacuse everyone should be able to read my confusing spaghetti pile of thoughts at all times) and knowing that there was more to it.

I need to start asking for what could make "it" great.

I know it will be hard to get out of that mentality fearing that what I say in full-force to someone will turn them off. The reality being, if it does, they probably aren't really contributing to my happiness and success as a person and I shouldn't be stressed out by that. Not saying I should get all abbrasive and demanding--not at all! But saying overcoming this fear of feeling like I am "too much" will result in no more wondering "What if I had asked for THAT" or "What would happen if I just said THIS".

Ironically a large part of my job is people coming to me and confiding their work-related (and sometimes not so work-related) problems and I provide advice on how to navigate a situation. I also get people asking me all the time for what could make it great during offer negotiations. I did it with my current job. I do it in a professional manner. I need to roll it over to my personal life.

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. ~Benjamin Disraeli

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