Thursday, March 7, 2013

If I Were The Bachelorette

So I have to say I am not completely enamoured with this season's Bachelor. First of all...Blondes have never really done it for me. Sorry Sean, you can be all charming, sweet, and all about respect, but I just...don't think he is that hot. Ok, shoot me! Or love me that I am not one of the million of women who is gah-gah for this dude.

Second. Lindsey and Katheryn or is it Catherine? (I don't remember). Neither of them are doing it for me either. Not to say I don't like them. I actually kind of do, but not for Sean. Or rather I don't realllly see those sets of personalities really matching up.

Well on to the more important topic that I have been thinking about. Me. The Bachelorette. 25/30 men. Crazy dates. Testosterone filled challenges were the men practically punch each others teeth out just to have me notice their tie choice. Yup. Awesome.

So here is how I would do it.

via wikipedia

  • Men arriving in limos to the mansion? I think not. Men will be graded on creativity of their entrance. Each man is responsible for getting themselves to the manse. If they all arrive at the same time, so be it. Let the cluster begin. Also, no CA. I am thinking Denver?
  • First night will go something like this:
    • A random dog (most likely a poodle) will be released into a room where all the men are congregated (or groups of 5 at a time). Reactions and interactions with the dog will be judged. Not a dog person. Pack your bags sir.
    • After we have weeded out the non-dog lovers men will be corralled into one room with tape down the middle of the room.
    • If you ski, you can stand on the right side of the room. If you don't you can stand on the left.
    • If you are on the right side of the room, go get a cocktail and talk about names for our future poodles.
    • If you are on the left side of the room....Do you want to learn to ski? Yes? Move to the right side of the room. Men still on the left. Pack your bags. You are done.
    • Men now on the right...can you swim and ride a bike? No? Back your bags. You are done.Yes? Grab a cocktail.
  • First group date. Skiing outing with all schmucks who said they can swim, ride a bike and are willing to learn to ski.
  • First one on one date...with the dude who grew up in a mountain town
  • Crazy awesome travel locations. Well skiing in France, Switzerland and the indoor ski place in Dubai.
  • Group date challenge. Line dancing in small ski resort apres bar. Best moves...gets a yurt evening with moi.
  • Hometowns. I bring my sorority posse to evaluate the fams.
  • Meeting my parental units. One week and if you don't love my niece and nephew like you love skiing, you can say goodbye to those free cocktails.
  • Finally. I will break all of your hearts, by letting you know I planted my SO, and he has been on the show the entire time.
  • I'll let him propose at some ski resort. Complete with poodles.
And that is how I would do the Bachelorette. I am sure you would all watch.

1 comment:

  1. ha. I love it! I would LOVE to see someone eliminate men like that. :)