I want this...and this.... and this too.

You know when you tell yourself you are not allowed to do something. And well it does everything but make it easy to not do that something. Instead you start becoming obsessed with whatever you told yourself you couldn't do.

Well with the new place on the horizon and some double rent issues (don't get me started) I told myself no knew clothes for awhile. Well this just resulting me in lusting after this:

 I love the orange cuffs and the green belt! Playful, but adult.

 I would wear this every weekend. E-V-E-R-Y weekend. End of story. (This one is almost affordable for me right now)

 I've been craving a robe to put on in the mornings to get ready and to lounge in on weekends and I love how plush and cozy this one looks. A bonus points that this doesn't look like it belongs on a 90 yr old.

 Um. Yes. Side tie bow. Ballerina-esque.

 Me likey.

This dress has a special place in my lusting heart right now. I adore the neck and waistline, but go to anthro and look at the detail on the top. I want I want I want. Too bad I need a couch :(

All photos and clothing at Anthropologie

The Hot Pocket

This is a really strange blog for me to write. And in all honesty, I have no idea if I will ever publish this.[After consideration I feel that it is something I do want to be on the blog and I do apologize if anyone finds this too personal or an improper means to express myself but here it is]. I feel  strange being one of those people who utilizes a public forum to disclose my hurt and pain over the passing of a good friend of mine. I feel like my emotions about it are incredibly private. I can't decide if sharing this is something that is helpful for me and also honoring our friendship, or if it just a discounted way for me to talk about my hidden feelings. I will tell you this:  he taught me a lot. And as I write that, a huge lump comes into my throat as I am sure with any friend any of us have, there are special moments with that person that you know no one else can share, see, live, enjoy, savor, and remember like you can. Granted these personal memories make me happy. They are my memories with him, but it can be lonely sitting and dwelling in your own personal, isolated memories.

He was my senior prom date. It was a dramatic (high school dramatic) turn of events for us to end up at prom together. We didn't even go to the same high school, so it felt like such a big deal to bring him to my prom. I don't remember a whole lot about prom. I remember I didn't like how my hair was done. I loved my dress that my mom so graciously indulged me in driving all the way to Seattle to purchase and I felt incredibly beautiful. And then I remember him. I am pretty sure he was one of the only guys in an all white tux. I remember the photographer said his tux looked fantastic with my dress. He also dropped a piece of meat on my dress fresh out of fondu pot at dinner. Somehow you couldn't even tell.

That summer before I left for college I spent a lot of time "at the lake" (it was a man-made lake) watching him do his pro water skiing thing and patiently teaching me how to get better at my junior water skiing skills. There was a large event at the lake one afternoon and I had driven out to spend the day with him watching the competition. For some reason or another, it must have been around lunch time, he discovered that I had never eaten a hot pocket in my life. He was fairly appalled. Fate be true, he had a few in the freezer. And so sitting on the dock I bit into my first delicious, gooey, cheesey, delightful, cheese and ham hot pocket. It was bliss. Even more so as I was seriously dancing still and had gotten to the point where I watched everything that went into my mouth. I remember how he tossed it in front of me on a paper plate fresh out of the microwave, crossed his arms and looked at me as I took my first bite. If you knew him, you knew that he had these amazing blue eyes.

I miss him. And I cringe every time I have to scroll through the M's in my phone book as I don't think I  could ever delete his phone number. Grief is a nasty little emotion. It hides and then out of no where it jumps out and completely knocks you out of commission for an evening. The next day is carefully tucks itself away and you just hold on for the next wave of the surprise in missing someone. I just keep telling myself that there is reason as there was reason for the memories I made with him. My thoughts and prayers are with his family daily right now. Through the sadness I remind myself, that he had a whole lot of good times, and I am so lucky to have been a part of even a small fraction of those. 

Paint

So I am really stuck. I get to paint my new apartment when I move in, and I am at a total loss of the "look" I want the new place to have. I want a Biggirlsophisticatedyetbeautifulandclean look that incorporates some neutral tones, a splash of color but mainly feels like me, and feels comfortable. So this is where you all come in. I really like the idea of a teal, grey or maybe a really really dark purple for the wall(s) (we have yet to decide if we will paint just one accent wall or do an accent wall and then neutrals. This room originally caught my interest when I was first drawn to the display of keys:

But I am not sure it is exactly what i am wanting. I love the bright with the white and then you can see the dark bed coverings.

So I found this tonight, pretty much the only thing my picky palate is really enjoying at the moment after hours of looking:

                                                      via apartment therapy
I love that I could pair it with some greens, grey cream/whites, black and or brown as well. What do you all think?

I am also starting to really think about furniture and as much as I know I am going to end up having an IKEA infiltrated apartment I can't help but feast my eyes on some other items:

image unknown

Much enjoying this couch. As much as I love the feeling of a microfiber couch I am pretty sure IKEA cotton will just have to satisfy my cravings. I also really like the pillow in the middle. Look stunning with my wall above much?

I need a designer.

Sigh.

And maybe someone to make decisions for me?

Anyways send me any color inspirations you all have. I am really hitting a dead end here. Also any great advice on setting up a 415 square foot apartment to be function, yet comfy would be much much much appreciated!!

Baked with Love

On a trip to IKEA (oh how many of those there will be in the next two-three months!) the lucky find of a set of "woodland creature" cookie cutters inspired me to battle the roaches (ok ok there really aren't roaches anymore, but I still have to poke fun at the situation) and the small kitchen and whip up some of my grandma Tory's rubber cookies (a gingerbread type cookie with the best frosting you will ever taste). This was my first attempt at the cookies and while they couldn't even come close to the delish ones I was so lucky to savor as a child, they were not bad.

My grandma had a scalloped cookie cutter which I have safely tucked away for when I have my own place (eeee! Oh wait! I DO!) to cut out her cookies. I wanted to do something special since I knew I would be taking these into work. That set of "woodland creature" cookie cutters just so happened to have a HEDGEHOG!! My department has kind of adopter the hedgehog as a mascot from some of our company materials. (Core values, etc.) For good measure I also made a few Idaho cookies with my new Idaho cookie cutter that I have yet to use. Here is what transpired:

 Making some dough

   Rolling and cutting

 Cut out hedgehogs

 IDAHO!

 Version #1 of the frosted hedgehogs

Some Idaho Love

Version two of frosted Hedgehogs

The cookies were a huge success at work and totally worth the tedious process. I always forget that rolling and cutting cookies takes like 6 hours longer than you estimate. The hedgehogs are pretty cute and I already have plans to use the rest of my creatures in the set of cookie cutters!

All Mine...Sweet Sweet Mine

Ladies and gentleman I am here to announce that..... drum roll please.....I have officially put on some big girl pants and am the proud renter of a 415 square foot studio! And yes...it is all mine! No sorority girls(sorry ladies! I love you but living with you for four years was plenty!), boyfriends (yea, never doing THAT again), roommates, or anyone else around for that matter. I get to sleep, eat, throw, place, decorate, dirty, clean, however I darn well please and no one can say anything to me about it! I even get to paint! (A trip to home depot may be in order later today to pick out some paint samples).

Again, it is very small, but for little me it should be just fine. I have a separate kitchen that is quite a bit larger than what I have right now (and I am sharing that with TWO people) so this is going to seem like a palace, a walk-in closet that is big enough that if I really wanted to I could put a desk in their with my clothes and call it an "office". The bathroom is a pretty standard old-dc-apartment-building bathroom with white fixtures and is going to need some creative storage solutions. The main room has two nice sized windows and beautiful, shiny, hardwood floors. There is even a small gym in the basement (bye-bye gym membership I never use) and a good sized laundry room that is dead roach and rat free! The building is a bit farther than where I currently live from my work but my goal is to walk at least one direction each day during the "ok" months and then in like Jan., July, and August I can take the bus which stops at my front door and drops me off right at work. We are debating if cable is feasible but internet will have to happen, so a minor expense on top of rent but nothing major.

I am so excited to make 1546 and 1 trips to IKEA and Target that it will take to get everything I am going to need to make it home! This will be the first time I have ever lived completely by myself and I have to say...I am pretty proud of myself. I have wanted to do this for awhile, but to find someplace, have the job to support myself and being confident that I am going to be able to run my "household" completely solo is a huge deal.

So this is adulthood huh?

I will keep you all posted on when I get pictures of the inside but for now the best I can do is a picture of the outside of the building.

Photo via M.V. Jantzen Flickr

My new place is in the left indent of the building.

So now begins the eternal quest to decorate it to be stunning and incredibly practical. If any of you have any paint, furniture or decor ideas for me send them over!!



Birthday Girl!

It was this lovely lady's birthday this past week:

(obviously the lady on the right is the birthday girl)

I was sad to not be there since it was a big birthday and naturally (true to form) her gifts are late/in transit/sitting on my living room table half completed/somewhere in Texas according to fedex/ on my dresser. So yes. True to form--gifts will be belated! (But i can't wait to show you all when I am done with one part of it!)

Anyways,

My sister is the best. I can't imagine having a better role model. She is so driven, committed, smart, funny, beautiful and put together and she still always has time for everyone.

She's kind of amazing and I love her.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE!!

What have I done!!??

Well I have done something that makes me incredibly nervous, scared, excited and happy...

A clue:

Yup. Thanks to a girl at work I got the tip off about BTI in Logan Circle. I can not tell you how excited I am to go take a ballet class tomorrow. I am also really really nervous. I haven't danced in a LONG time. And that last year in college when I was finishing out my minor in dance I was so over the dance department at UW I just didn't care and only went to class to make sure I graduated. I really want to find something here that makes me excited and I am hoping this is it. It is a bit expensive to be getting back into dance, but I figure it is good for my physical and mental health AND maybe I'll make some friends. So class is at 1:30 tomorrow. I did a quick barre tonight just to make sure I haven't forgotten my french :) but I know tomorrow is going to kick my ass. I am going to be so sore and exhausted. But if I like it I am going to go ahead and purchase a class card and hopefully get into the pattern of going more.

As some of you know, ballet/dance was a HUGE part of my life for quite awhile and I honestly have not felt whole since I stopped. But dance in really personal. You have to be comfortable with where you are dancing and who is teaching you. I am praying that BTI is awesome and I love it. Fingers crossed for me people!

Also a round of applause....I have officially lost 15 pounds! Which was my first weight milestone. I have another 15 to go (hopefully this dance thing will contribute!). After moving out here I pretty much ate my emotions for a solid year until I moved. Things are a lot better now but it is just hard to find the time to active things outside of work. I am going to make a big push in the next few months to see if I can jump start the next phase so I can go home for Christmas feeling really great! Anyone up for walks in the evening?

Stamping Me Crazy

A few weekends ago I was down in Charlottesville for the PBR (yes, bull riding that's right and more about that later) but I went into a store called "Rock Paper Scissors" and saw some Japanese masking tape. The practical non-crafty part of me said not to buy it. So we left empty handed. Naturally now I have thought of 900 uses for the printed blue tape. So I have been on the hunt. Well not only did I find some amazing online stores to buy Japanese tape (I am still narrowing down my choices) but I also found some stamps that (for obvious reasons) I am lusting over. Cutetape has some seriously temping items to purchase, but right now these key stamps are high on my list. 

The world is senseless sometimes. Right now is one of those times and I am struggling to keep in perspective that things happen for a reason. What I am taking away from it all right now is that you can never tell the people in your life that you love them too much. A good friend sent me this today:

"If there is ever a tomorrow when we are not together...there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing, even if we are apart...I will always be with you."
- Milne

It's October and that Means Pumpkins

I eyed this last year on Martha Stewart.com and kept saying I would go buy a pumpkin and give it a shot. Obvis. we never got around to it or I wouldn't be sitting here saying I need to really do it this year. Anyways how classy would a monogrammed pumpkin be?

Photo from MarthaStewart.com

Classy and fabulous. I think yes.

Would it be overly ambitious to think I could do two initials? Or maybe even three?



The Key To A Home

I was sent this great idea from a friend who saw this on apartment therapy.

                                                                      photo from apartmenttherapy.com
 

I love this idea! Unfortunately I don't really have keys from my previous residences. In fact I would say the world of technology and protocol has ruined my ability to take on this little project. Here are my past living arrangements and the lack of keys:

• The parentals casa. (Still have a key to the house which is always a nice reminder that my parents always welcome me home)
• Le Maison De ADPi. No such thing as a key. We had these little plastic cards that had pictures of keys on them that unlocked the front door. We also had to give those back when we moved out of the house.
• Houston hot house. Pretty sure we made that key without asking, but were nice enough to give it back when I left at the end of my few months there.
• Virginia humble beginnings abode. There was a key fob for building entry and then a real key to the front door. They inventoried those keys like vultures. So no key.
• DuPont Roach Hut. Not sure if I will get to keep the key, doubtful.

I do have a growing license plate collection: Idaho, Virginia and I am sure some day DC. I don't have a WA state one since I managed to avoid registering and licensing my car there, but in time I know I will have one for the collection. Maybe I can do something cute with my hubby (whoever he is) and our collected license plates.

It Can Sneak Up On You

Well apparently I have been bottling up a TON of emotion that all came bubbling out tonight.

It all started with the roaches. They are back. Ok like 2 are back but when you start poking around the kitchen you start seeing the signs and that just drove me into a state of disgust and frustration. Luckily I got out of the apartment for a few hours and then got to home a bit refocused and started attacking the kitchen yet again. Over half the kitchen is in the living room. The roommate is disgruntled. But they are roaches. So there. We (I) sprayed and scrubber with various cleaning solvents until my hands hurt. Sprayed again. And then finally was able to put a few things away. While I am doing this my mind just got going and I just started feeling so helpless about everything. Sometimes I just feel like I am letting things happen to me rather than really taking control and other times I feel like I am trying to do so much to steer a situation and everything is working against me. Uncryptically, I want my own space. I want to have a space where I feel at home and not like a renter. Not really having a place I call "home" for the last year has really hindered my ability to be content with DC and I am tired of it. I either want to say "yes this if for me" or put my tail between my legs and call it a day. I am exhausted of "trying to make it work". I want a home. But I feel like there are a million things screwing up my plans. And then I start to think about the looming year  lease that this idea comes with. Ok. What is a year? (yea wow, don't ask me that question because it results in tears and emotional blubbering). Anyways, the apartment stress got me going, the tears and girl sniffles got rolling, and then the irrational crazy girl in me reared its ugly head.

We are okay. It was probably good that I just let it bubble over, I feel a little better. Tired but better. But that's were that is.  Kitchen half put together and no closer to solving this apartment issue.

I just get nervous. I am a nervous person. I am a cautious person. And I don't think it is helping when I am having to make decisions like this. Questions to be asked, determinations to be made, trust to be leaned on, and faith to throw caution to. Not things I am very good at. Prayer please for it to work out how it is intended to be because I am realizing there is something more than me dealing with this right now.


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WEEKEND UPDATE

To switch gears in this post I'll tell you all a little about my weekend. Friday I drove out to Alexandria to get myself a pint of pumpkin frozen custard to enjoy while I watched the movie "Valentine's Day". It was smart move and the movie was one that required some sort of frozen delight.

Saturday I did some personal stuff and then headed out to VA to check out IKEA and  Wegmans. Wegmans was amazing. Domestic bliss. I want to drive to VA every weekend just to grocery shop at that beautiful store! I can't even describe the beautiful produce section. I was lusting after foods I had never even seen before!

Today was sports filled and roach killing. I know you are jealous.

The remainder of my Sunday looks like some work, snuggled with the bears and ironing for tomorrow. Let's all pray for a quick week as I already feel like I could use another weekend!