Being told you are bad at something. Doubting yourself. Believing them, despite knowing that their intentions had nothing to do with making you better, but rather tearing you down.
Then you hear that you aren't bad at that thing. You actually are pretty good.
The it dawns on you. That person, the person who said you weren't really good at something, was really just jealous of everything you had going for you.
Too bad I let it get to me, and had a chip in my ego for a few years over something that was false. Moving on.
I wrote that above awhile ago now. The realization that no matter what, there are just going to be people that aren't there to build you up. Maybe it is jealousy, maybe it is malicious, maybe it is their own securities, but whatever it is, their words can dig deep. I had some thoughts so deeply ingrained in my head, that it never even occurred to me to get a second opinion.
Someone told me that I was bad at writing. While I will be the first to admit that I could be better....much much better, that comment made me lose so much confidence in my ability to do ANY writing. I started shying away from writing here, writing emails at work, keeping a journal, doing anything where I felt someone could point out the fact that I was stupid and was a bad writer. Just like anyone else, I have a lot of room for improvement. On this blog, I could stand to edit, revise and re-read before I publish. However, I never started this to be an amazing writer. I started this to track my own life (and to say "Hi Mom, Hi Dad! I promise I am eating more than cereal for dinner!") and to do it because I enjoy it. It is sad I let someone take that away from me.
At work, I can always use a second set of eyes, but the comment dug so deep...I forgot that needing improvement was a far cry from being "bad".
One day fairly recently, someone told me that something I had written was good. Then it was followed up with another written item that got me some pretty important conversations.
The moment after someone told me that I really wasn't a failure at writing, I almost started crying. It was a mix of relief and sadness.
So while I know that I am not a world class writer, and there is a hell of a lot of room for improvement, I also write this knowing that I am bigger than what that person said to me in attempt to make me feel bad about myself.
For day two of the blog everyday this month, I couldn't easily write about something I was good at, or knew a lot about. Instead, this came to mind and seemed fitting for the subject.